So when I'm there, I'm not just able to kind of relax in the presence of my family members and just enjoy the humanity on display that we're all part of this one big family. I'm actually feeling distance between me and those extended family members. I felt like we were on a sort of a mission project. We were praying for them. We were, we were strategists. We were talking like, hey, we're going to be a light. We're going to be a testimony. Aunt Renee, she might get drunk and say a curse word to Grandma Linda. Sometimes they fight. So just be aware, this could be an opportunity for the gospel. Like, I can't even tell you. But now I find that they also felt some anxiety about like, oh, here come the missionaries, you know? They knew that we had an agenda for them.

Yeah.

They were aware of that.

They felt it.

If I questioned this system, well, outside of these walls that have been given to me is hell.

And so those stakes are really high.

So you don't color outside the lines.

You don't wander outside of those borders that you've been given because outside of

those borders is you've been given, because outside of those borders is potential

eternal torture. And then when I went through puberty and began to experience, you know, lust

or really what was normal developmental sexual behavior for a teenager going through puberty,

I was incredibly hard on myself during that time. And throughout that whole process, I was constantly just praying that God would save me.

I'm believing the right thing.

Is it working?

I just don't know.

Mine is the only voice.

What have I been doing?

Lay down my autonomy.

After that, it got very dark very quickly.

Hey guys, my name is Shalise Ansela, and this is Colts to Consciousness, where we

discuss leaving high demand religions or organizations and finding healing and independence

through awareness and true individual

...