Why 65% of People SUCK at Modern Relationships : 1398
The Human Upgrade: Biohacking for Longevity & Performance
Dave Asprey
4.6 • 7.3K Ratings
🗓️ 15 January 2026
⏱️ 81 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Most people are struggling in modern relationships, and it is not because they are broken. It is because the systems around them are. In this episode, you’ll learn why roughly 65 percent of people operate from insecure attachment, why that quietly destroys energy, trust, and intimacy, and how secure attachment becomes a critical biohacking upgrade for human performance, longevity, and emotional resilience.
Watch this episode on YouTube for the full video experience:
https://www.youtube.com/@DaveAspreyBPR
Host Dave Asprey sits down with Adam Lane Smith, MA Psych, a leading global expert on Attachment Theory and the neurobiology of human bonding. Adam has spent over 16 years studying and working in psychology, helping individuals, couples, and families repair broken relationships, rebuild trust, and develop secure attachment. His work focuses on skill-based nervous system training rather than talk therapy alone, often creating change in months instead of years. He now runs a global coaching practice and is on a mission to bring secure attachment to one billion people worldwide.
Together, Dave and Adam break down why modern dating, career pressure, and social isolation have produced a generation of adults who feel emotionally exhausted, disconnected, and stuck in survival mode. They explain how insecure attachment keeps people operating at low capacity, why bonding hormones like oxytocin and vasopressin regulate stress, sleep optimization, and emotional stability, and how broken attachment patterns sabotage metabolism, focus, and recovery. The conversation also covers AI companionship, dating apps, community collapse, and why no supplement, nootropic, fasting protocol, ketosis strategy, or carnivore diet can fully compensate for unsafe nervous systems.
You’ll Learn:
• Why 65 percent of people struggle with modern relationships
• How insecure attachment caps energy, focus, and emotional resilience
• Why secure attachment matters more as you age, not less
• How bonding hormones regulate stress, sleep, and recovery
• Why high performers still burn out without nervous system safety
• How men and women experience attachment and regulation differently
• Why AI and dating apps can worsen disconnection if used poorly
• How community and shared purpose rebuild secure attachment
• Why supplements and nootropics cannot replace real connection
• Where to start if you want stronger relationships and higher capacity
Dave Asprey is a four time New York Times bestselling author, founder of Bulletproof Coffee, and the father of biohacking. With over 1,000 interviews and 1 million monthly listeners, The Human Upgrade is the top podcast for people who want to take control of their biology, extend their longevity, and optimize every system in the body and mind. Each episode features cutting edge insights in health, performance, neuroscience, supplements, nutrition, hacking, emotional intelligence, and conscious living.
Thank you to our sponsors!
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Dave Asprey is a four-time New York Times bestselling author, founder of Bulletproof Coffee, and the father of biohacking. With over 1,000 interviews and 1 million monthly listeners, The Human Upgrade brings you the knowledge to take control of your biology, extend your longevity, and optimize every system in your body and mind. Each episode delivers cutting-edge insights in health, performance, neuroscience, supplements, nutrition, biohacking, emotional intelligence, and conscious living.
New episodes are released every Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and Sunday (BONUS). Dave asks the questions no one else will and gives you real tools to become stronger, smarter, and more resilient.
Keywords: adam lane smith, adam lane smith attachment theory, adam lane smith secure attachment, adam lane smith relationships, attachment theory podcast, secure vs insecure attachment, nervous system regulation relationships, oxytocin vasopressin bonding, modern dating psychology, relationship burnout, loneliness epidemic, attachment styles explained, biohacking relationships, dave asprey adam lane smith, dave asprey relationships, human performance psychology, midlife purpose and relationships, aging mindset, adam land smith dave asprey relationships
Resources:
• Get a discount on any of Adam’s courses with code “daveasprey10” at checkout! https://adamlanesmith.com/
• Get My 2026 Biohacking Trends Report: https://daveasprey.com/2026-biohacking-trends-report/
• Join My Low-Oxalate 30-Day Challenge: https://daveasprey.com/2026-low-ox-reset/
• Dave Asprey's Latest News | Go to https://daveasprey.com/ to join Inside Track today.
• Danger Coffee: https://dangercoffee.com/discount/dave15
• My Daily Supplements: SuppGrade Labs (15% Off)
• Favorite Blue Light Blocking Glasses: TrueDark (15% Off)
• Dave Asprey’s BEYOND Conference: https://beyondconference.com
• Dave Asprey’s New Book – Heavily Meditated: https://daveasprey.com/heavily-meditated
• Upgrade Collective: https://www.ourupgradecollective.com
• Upgrade Labs: https://upgradelabs.com
• 40 Years of Zen: https://40yearsofzen.com
Timestamps:
0:00 – Trailer
2:54 – The 30% Capacity Problem
4:19 – Historical Breakdown of Human Connection
9:31 – Building Pseudo-Families & Tribes
15:09 – The Modern Dating Problem
19:21 – Solutions for Women
26:49 – The Four Levels of Safety & Peace
33:04 – Solutions for Men
37:45 – Building Community & Finding Partners
45:26 – Marriage, Partnership & Legacy
52:23 – The Future & Social Culling
1:03:18 – Red Flags vs Green Flags in Dating
1:07:23 – Dating After 50
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Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.0 | The world needs you more at 50 and 60 than they needed you at 20. |
| 0:03.5 | If we have the wisdom of age and the energy of youth, maybe we'll fix some shit. Someone needs to be the CEO of their relationship. He has specialized with a nervous system that is designed to go outside of the perimeter, face fires, build solutions. So men are shifting not to a feminine role, but a very effeminate role. They're downgraded the level of children that most women are seeing. Meaning these women are seeing a choice between male children or heavily |
| 0:24.7 | avoidant men think a social, emotional, culling is coming, where people are going to prune |
| 0:30.5 | the family tree. The future is going to belong to people who have secure attachment, because |
| 0:34.7 | it's the highest form of wealth you can have. Those people are going to be the ones building the future. |
| 0:41.1 | You're listening to The Human Upgrade with Dave Asprey. |
| 0:49.1 | Staring at screens all day is wrecking your vision and your brain. |
| 0:53.1 | You might just think it's aging, but it's not. |
| 0:55.5 | It's a broken eye brain connection. And it gets worse every hour you spend looking at a screen. |
| 1:01.1 | If you plan to live to 180 and beyond, you need to protect your dominant sense. Now, here's the good |
| 1:07.4 | news. You can train your visual system, just like you train your body or your |
| 1:11.6 | brain. Screenfit is a science-backed method built by Dr. Bryce Applebaum that rebuilds how your brain |
| 1:17.6 | and eyes work together. No eyedrops, no appointments, no gimmicks. Just 15 minutes a day to |
| 1:23.8 | sharpen focus, reduce fatigue, and protect your vision for the long haul. I saw real results |
| 1:30.0 | in just a week. If you strive for peak performance or plan to live a very long time like I do, |
| 1:35.9 | you want clear vision to match. Go to screenfit.com slash Dave or use code D-A-V-E to get $200 |
| 1:43.7 | off and try it for yourself. You'll see what I mean, literally. |
| 1:47.0 | How many nights have you stared at the ceiling, counting the hours until morning? |
| 1:54.0 | Maybe you tried a sleep supplement, but it knocked you out and left you groggy, like you traded one problem for another. Poor sleep doesn't just |
| 2:02.0 | make you tired. It kills your performance, slows your brain down, and speeds up aging. Kill Switch |
| 2:08.1 | from Switch supplements solves that problem. It works with your biology instead of against it. |
| 2:13.8 | It contains five gut-friendly, extensively researched ingredients like gaba, magnesium glycinate, |
... |
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