Hey, media group. But it's good that you did that. You got your blood work done, she put you on a health plan. Oh my god. We're never going to get through this. We probably should have just not done the podcast. Hey guys, episode 164. It's actually Sunday evening that we are recording this just a lot going on and caught up with us and we want to get you guys an episode out for tomorrow. Yeah, this is rare for us. You know, with everything going on, I think our schedules of kind of... We're all over the the hardest, you know, not the hardest part, but I'd got to just get back to a routine, you know what I mean? And like that. So next week, I think, you know, kicking off this week, it's Monday now when you guys are listening Sunday night, you know, get back to work, working out, get into a routine and, you know, that helps, you know. definitely does I set, not to be a downer, but Saturday, I didn't even get out of bed. I think everything, just all this stress, pretty much from this whole year, but really these last six months have just hit me and I could not get out of bed yesterday. I stayed, I laid around all day and it felt so good not to do one thing.

I always know when I get super stressed,

I've always done this since I was in high school.

The back of my neck will hurt and it's like super tight

and I had like an awful headache

and I was just super depressed just that feeling.

I know I felt I wanted to talk about this because somebody sent me this if I can find it. The sweetest DM and it was like, I'm so proud of you for like how you're handling this. I admire how much you keep things afloat even when times are difficult. And then they said something really nice about like our banter and I was just like, no, I really have, I mean, I have on the outside kept everything together, but I'm about to start. That's like when my hormones are just all over the place. I get super emotional. I watched a dog video today and cried. So I knew, you know, you know, it's coming. And then just like I said, just the stress of everything is just like hitting me and I feel like I'm on this hamster wheel. And I'm just on this trapped hamster wheel in a bowl and I cannot get out of it. And I just feel like things are just running in place. Nothing's progressing. Everything's taken like 20 steps back. And it, I don't know, it's getting to me. Yeah. I know what you mean. I know what you mean. But I think when the kids, you know, in YouTube with everything going on and you're, you're going to be grieving for so long. And, you know, I never know kind of like your moods, which is totally okay and it's totally understandable. And I try to like just back away and give your space and kind of feel the vibe, how you are that day. But it's just like that. And then the kids, it's just constantly running around. I'm just like burnt out. Yeah. You have my emotions, you know, they come in waves. Like you said, it's like really highs,

I shouldn't say really highs, really, really lows. And then there are no highs. It's like back to trying to be normal. You know what I mean? And before we go any further, I don't want every episode to be down in somber. And the reason we're doing this is because we're trying to get back on track. Going to work helps me when I'm on camera. I'm thinking about what I have to do when I'm doing my packages.

I'm worried about work, you know,

and then when I'm on camera, I'm thinking about what I have to do,

when I'm doing my packages,

I'm worried about work, you know,

and then when I drive home,

that's when I think,

like it's every second of the day,

but anything I could do to get my mind off of my mom,

you know, like in that's not saying in a bad way

that I'm ever gonna forget her or anything. Again, when I talk, I don't even realize what I'm like kind of saying because- I have friends that they've had a parent pass in still two years later. Yeah, so- Still grieving. So it's understandable, but I think it's- I'm figuring it out. I'm figuring it out. I'm figuring it out. It's so new and so fresh and it's just I don't want to get on a whole thing here again because I'll start crying again and I can't control it. But what I do want to say is thank you everybody out there

for all those messages you guys sent in and all the support and the well wishes. And it really does mean a lot to me. And it really does. Some of them are real personal and a lot of them were from people who did lose appearance and you know, they know that feeling. So everyone that did write in and did try to come for me and console me, it didn't mean a lot. But they were saying, you know, you don't know what to do. You don't know how to feel. You know, so it's like, it's really, it's just really finding the words is hard? I think even with these podcasts recordings, just finding things to talk about because things don't really feel great right now and everything feels off and our life right now doesn't feel normal. So it's hard. And I don't think it, I don't know, I don't know if it will go back. I'm sure it will, we'll find some sort of, some sort of normalcy. But right now it's just so fresh and what I'm trying to do is focus on things that I have, you know, and say then what I don't have. Don't start crying because then you're going to make me cry. I don't want to cry. I've done, I've done a lot of crying. I've done a lot of crying. And I know you're more emotional with your hormones right now. What are you doing for me? Stop it. You're emotional because of your period. So you can't control yourself. I know I was sitting out back today. I was talking. I was like, both my neighbors I'm super close with and one walked over. Everybody's fallen apart man. I swear. I swear. And I was like, oh, we too come back and pull up a chair. And we were just sitting down and, you know, it's so funny. And then just like how you're feeling in your life feels off. And then you run into somebody and it's like that small talk. And it's like, hey, how's it going? Oh my gosh, I'm so great in this. And you're just like, you know what, F off. I feel in my head. I don't mean to be rude, but that's how I feel.

I'm like, things aren't great for me right now.

Don't come up to me to small talk and don't be happy because I'm not happy. Yeah. Well, that's what I was kind of, you know, talking about last week is like, you never know what somebody's going through. Yeah. You know what I mean? Sometimes people don't even realize that what you're going through, we're not that close

and they might not even know that we're dealing with stuff.

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