A lot of couples will tell you that during the early years of the relationship, it was

a pretty big adjustment for them to learn how to communicate well. Certainly that was

the case for my wife and me. We had some really interesting moments early on. It's very

common for your family of origin to influence the way you handle or don't handle conflict.

That was the factor for us and you find out what might be no big deal to you is really

a big deal to her or him. Well, I'm John Fuller joined by Dr. Greg Smalley and his wife,

Erin. They lead our focus marriage team and Greg, go ahead and just, here's a softball

for you, okay? What was a contrast early on in your relationship with Erin in terms of

O conflict? I don't even know how to answer that because there wasn't. We really handle

that perfectly and everything went so early. Thank you for listening. For me, I really

didn't understand the role of emotions. How God gave us emotions is a great source of

information. I saw emotions as troublesome. Sometimes I just needed to get past, get rid

of, avoid, totally. Since I never paid attention to my own, then when she would get emotional,

then I would try to minimize, marginalize, just move her beyond those, get her laughing.

I knew how to be funny and I knew what humor did. I would just try those kinds of things

and it just left her feeling so invalidated, it would cause more conflict. It really was

over the years learning, first of all, the reason that God gave us emotions, the value

there and how they can so help within our marriage and especially now that Erin and I can

deeply connect. I want to encourage you as you're listening here to the clip we have in

just a moment. There are going to be times when, as a couple, you are just, Greg, I'm so

identifying with you. You're at each other's throats or you're absolutely distant. It's

icy cold. There were moments when we were trying to process conflict. We're laying in bed.

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