Hi, this is Janet Landsbury. Welcome to Unruffold. Today I would like to talk about an element

in our approach that can be missing sometimes when our children's behavior seems to continue

and we're trying to stop them and of course we're getting more and more frustrated because

most of us do when we're repeating ourselves and it's to no avail. There's a certain element

that's sometimes missing and I want to try to bring light to that today and then share about it

in three different examples that I've been given in emails. So I didn't mean to be all mysterious

earlier when I was referring to an element missing when we address our children's behavior.

The element is intimacy, giving our child that feeling that I see you, I know you, I'm not

intimidated by you and I'm your safe person. All of those things that children need to feel and

sometimes they're a little bit lacking in it and that causes the behavior but it eases the behavior

when we can give children this message and it will make our lives easier because we won't be

expending a lot of energy fruitlessly trying to get just the right tone in our voice and

say something that will make them stop doing whatever it is. You know, some people punish or

these consequences regardless when something we're doing isn't working and we're doing it and doing

it. We are naturally all of us going to get more annoyed, frustrated, angry down on ourselves,

maybe we yell and then we regret it. So here's another way that I want to offer that in my experience

working with parents and with my own children really works. So here's the first example, here's

the first email I want to share interestingly but not surprisingly, all three of these are about

children who are at some point in the process of still adjusting to the sibling transition

and those of you that listen here know that I talk a lot about the emotions that children tend to

go through no matter how old they are when there's a new sibling. Almost all children will express

their discomfort through challenging behaviors, challenging for us that is. I also want to note that

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