When “No” Stops Holding: The First Boundary Tests in Abusive Relationships

Narcissist Apocalypse: Patterns of Abuse

Abuse Survivor Network

Education, Relationships, Self-improvement, True Crime, Society & Culture

4.7 • 792 Ratings

🗓️ 10 March 2026

⏱️ 15 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this episode of Narcissist Apocalypse, Brandon Chadwick explores one of the earliest patterns survivors often describe in abusive relationships: boundary testing. Sometimes the first sign something is wrong isn’t a fight — it’s the moment you say no… and somehow, a little while later, your answer changes. This episode breaks down how these early boundary violations happen, why survivors often go along with them in the moment, and how these seemingly small tests can become the foundation for much larger patterns of control.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Sometimes the first sign something is wrong in a relationship isn't a fight.
0:06.4	It's something much quieter.
0:08.9	It's the first moment you say no.
0:13.0	No. For a lot of survivors, it begins with something small.
0:40.3	You're out later than you wanted to be.
0:43.0	You said you needed to be home by 11.
0:45.3	It's now past midnight.
0:48.7	You're not sure exactly how it happened.
0:52.0	There was a reason, then another reason.
0:57.1	And at some point, it felt easier to stay than to keep explaining why you wanted to leave. Somewhere along the way, the conversation shifted from what you needed
1:03.9	to why what you needed didn't matter as much. And this is what this episode of Narcissist Apocalypse is about. They begin
1:15.3	with these small moments where your no stops holding. I am Brandon Chadwick and this is
1:23.7	Narcissist Apocalypse. And if you've been listening to our Survivor's stories over the years,
1:29.9	you know that they contain a lot of moments like these. A lot of our stories contain moments
1:37.4	like, come on, stay out longer, just have one more drink, why are you being so rigid? Don't you trust me? Relax.
1:47.8	Or even if you're not out with this person, maybe you haven't even met them yet.
1:53.8	You might hear, hey, just stay on the phone longer with me. You might be saying to them, I've got work tomorrow. I want to go to bed early. Oh,
2:02.9	come on. What's a couple more minutes? You know, we hear this on the show all the time. And this might
2:09.7	sound harmless. This might sound that they're trying to connect with you and just be with you and it might
2:16.8	seem loving in some ways.
2:19.6	But really what's going on is this is the first boundary test that a lot of people
2:24.7	will be tested on.
	...

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