When My Husband Weaponized Codependency To Hide The Truth – Melinda’s Story

Betrayal Trauma Recovery

Anne Blythe, M.Ed.

Education, Sexuality, Relationships, Mental Health, Society & Culture, Self-improvement, Health & Fitness

4.6 • 1.4K Ratings

🗓️ 13 October 2020

⏱️ 28 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Has your husband (or his therapist) weaponized codependency language to harm you? If so, here's what you need to know about how codependency harms victims.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to betrayal trauma recovery. This is Anne. I'm welcoming Alinda on today's episode,
0:05.5	who is like all of us are. She is the wife of a sex addict. The reason why I wanted her to come on today
0:12.0	is she had commented on one of the articles on BTR.org. And if you don't know, every single podcast that
0:20.0	we do is transcribed and turned into an article and put on BTR.org. And we love people's comments there. So if you haven't gone to join the conversation, I welcome you to do that. And that's how I meant Melinda. So welcome, Melinda.
0:34.3	Hi there. Thanks for having me. Her comment was so insightful. She coined the phrase weaponizing
0:41.8	codependency language. So let's start with your story, Melinda. How did your husband weaponize
0:49.4	codependency language? My husband revealed that he had been having an affair, and later on, revealed that he had been
0:58.0	seeing a sex massage and also abusing porn.
1:02.4	And we entered into a process of trying to figure out what was going on.
1:07.3	I understood that it was not my fault, and that it was something that I felt like we can overcome
1:14.5	together. He struggled a lot with all of it and ultimately showed that he couldn't meet me where I needed to be met so that I can recover from the betrayal.
1:25.4	But for a period of time, he entered into 12th step,
1:29.3	and he also actually, I should say, has been trained as a counselor.
1:34.3	He's not a therapist now, but he was trained as one.
1:37.3	And when we entered into therapy after the revelations of his betrayal,
1:41.3	something kept coming up that was baffling to me, and it was reinforced
1:45.8	by our therapist, that somehow there was something in our dynamic that I was responsible for,
1:52.4	and that that's sort of why he did what he did and was acting out in the way he was. I was trying
1:58.8	to wrap my head around it, because I'm a person who takes
2:01.2	a lot of responsibility for our own behavior and our own actions, but I'm like, this doesn't make any
2:05.5	sense. I also have done a lot of work professionally understanding trauma. So I was already under
2:12.6	a trauma orientation thinking, I'm traumatized. Why am I not getting understood here? Why does it keep coming back to
	...

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