When "Fine" Keeps Us Stuck: A Reflection on My Dad, Masking, and Adapting ep 558

ADHD reWired

Eric Tivers, LCSW, ADHD-CCSP

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4.7 • 919 Ratings

🗓️ 6 October 2025

⏱️ 15 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

"I'm Fine": What My Dad Taught Me About Resisting Help

On August 14th, my dad passed away. In the weeks since, I've been reflecting on his life, his humor, his resilience — and his signature phrase: "I'm fine."

He said it when he was hooked up to machines in the hospital. He said it when he was on the roof cleaning gutters, even though his balance was shot. And most of the time, he wasn't fine at all.

In this episode, I share some of the lessons I learned from my dad about adapting — and about the cost of resisting it. From the adult trike he never would have bought for himself, to the senior living community he resisted but came to love, my dad's story is a mirror for the ways we all struggle with change, masking, and accepting support.

I also talk about my own journey: being diagnosed with ADHD at 19, and more recently, with autism — a diagnosis that really came into focus during a season of burnout. Like my dad, I've had to learn that determination isn't enough. Saying "I'm fine" isn't enough. What matters is adapting — and allowing ourselves to receive help when we need it.

If you've ever caught yourself saying "I'm fine" when you're not, this one's for you.

In This Episode

The phrase my dad used that wasn't always true — "I'm fine."
How his resistance to adapting shaped my understanding of masking.
The trike that gave him joy he wouldn't have chosen for himself.
Why moving into a senior living community became one of the best decisions he never wanted to make.
What his struggles taught me about ADHD, autism, burnout, and learning to adapt.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	ADHD rewired episode 558. Since 2014, this has been the podcast for ADHD adults who have
0:09.7	really good intentions and a slightly wandering attention. I'm Eric Tivers. I'm a licensed
0:14.7	clinical social worker by training and a coach by design. I'm your host and I'm AudiHD.
0:23.3	ADHD rewired is more than just a podcast. We can learn about our coaching and accountability groups, our virtual co-working community, and more,
0:28.8	all at ADHD rewired.com. We are wired for connection and you are not alone. Learn more by our
0:35.9	offerings, including our quarterly live Q&As.
0:38.9	Get additional resources for every episode,
0:41.2	including links to any resources we mentioned on today's show.
0:44.5	You can support us on Patreon, sign up for our email newsletter, and more.
0:48.7	All at ADHD rewired.com.
0:51.9	And if this is your first time listening, welcome. Don't forget to hit
0:55.8	subscribe or follow on your podcast app so you never miss an episode. We know this starting
1:01.0	is the hardest part. So let's get started. Hey, all. It's Eric. And today I actually want to share
1:07.3	something personal with you. It's just me. I know on I think it was last
1:12.0	episode or the prior episode, I mentioned that my father passed away on August 14th. So it's about a
1:18.0	month and a half ago. And, you know, it's, it is still tender. And while I've been grieving,
1:24.5	I've also been reflecting a lot on his life. And, you know, the stories that we told that is eulogy and the lessons that I want to carry forward.
1:32.6	And those lessons land differently for me this year.
1:35.9	Now, earlier in 2025, after years of knowing I had ADHD, I was also diagnosed autistic.
1:44.9	And I really came into focus because of burnout.
1:48.7	Burnout from running my business, trying to do it all,
1:52.0	from masking more than I even realized.
	...

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