When did a bad guest in your house deserve the red wedding treatment?

Happened to a friend. When we were younger, this kid came over to his house and took a

crap and didn't flush or use toilet paper. Then a few weeks later, when my friend went over

to his house, he was going to return the favor. But lo and behold, there was already a turd

waiting for him there. Friend living in Europe came to the US to visit family. Her husband was here for a couple of weeks, but went back to Europe for work while she stayed with us for the summer. Unbeknownst to us, she had stopped taking her medications and started racking up long-distance phone calls to Europe in the middle of the night and early in the morning to talk to her husband. But if she called his office and he wasn't there, she'd just asked to be put on hold until he returned to the office. I received a $3,000 phone bill and realized what had happened. Thankfully, our phone company at the time listened to my story and agreed not only to set us up with an international plan to call Europe

cheaply, but they made it retroactive to when she started staying with us. Three grand

became less than $200. This was at my grandmother's funeral. She was a well-known lady,

so many people came to her funeral. What happened while we were all grieving was a bunch of people

decided to steal a whole bunch of random crap from our home. All our plates, cups, cooking utensils, bags of rice and medicine.

All gone. After my mum passed away, her elderly friend came to visit. She asked for wine,

she pounded back four glasses, then she whipped out a handful of sleeping pills and downed those

too. I freaked out. She said she did it all the time. She then proceeded to fall off the chair.

She tried going upstairs and started to fall. I caught her and half carried her to bed. I heard her

fall hard on the floor. She was laughing and delirious, and was 74 years old, by the way. I wanted

to call an ambulance, but she flat out refused. I put her back into bed, rinse and repeat three

times. The next morning I asked if she had other friends she could stay with, and I drove her to them.

When I was in high school, I was having a party at my parents' house when they were out of town.

My buddy Derek wasn't feeling well and really needed to take a dump.

Apparently all of the bathrooms were occupied at the time of the emergency, so he ran into the garage,

pulled his pants down and diarrhea all over the garage floor.

I was at a party and I heard the host yell,

Oh my God! Who threw up on my dog?

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