When Anxious Meets Avoidant | LHS Classic E343

Love, Happiness and Success with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

YAP Media Network | Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Relationships, Society & Culture, Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.7 • 890 Ratings

🗓️ 25 August 2025

⏱️ 59 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

This episode originally aired on April 3, 2023 (Episode 343), and we’re bringing it back because it resonated with so many of you. Whether you’re reflecting on a past relationship, navigating one right now, or supporting clients through these dynamics, the lessons are worth revisiting. Why are people with anxious attachment styles and avoidant attachment styles drawn to each other? Can anxious-avoidant relationships work, and most importantly, can they be healthy and satisfying? Yes, they can. But the key is through your understanding of yourself, and of your partner. When you develop true understanding and empathy for your differences, you can create profound connection, and a genuinely secure and healing relationship for both of you. This episode is going to show you how. If you’re in an anxious-avoidant relationship, or have been in one before, I hope it helps you understand these dynamics from a new perspective, and empowers you to move toward greater connection and security. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Why Attachment Styles Matter 02:42 Core Conflict: Desire for Closeness vs. Space 07:04 The Push-Pull Dynamic of Anxious and Avoidant Partners 11:08 Can Anxious-Avoidant Relationships Be Healthy? 16:09 Finding Compatible Partners & Building Security 17:02 Strategies for Anxious Attachment 18:06 Strategies for Avoidant Attachment 33:04 Why Anxious and Avoidant Partners Are Drawn Together 42:05 Avoidant Discomfort with Closeness & Anxious Pursuing Behaviors 45:06 Doing the Work: Self-Awareness and Self-Management 49:04 Practical Tools for Avoidant Partners 55:00 True Love as a Conscious Choice Want to know where your relationship stands today? Try my free How Healthy Is Your Relationship? Quiz. It gives you quick insights into what’s working well and where you might want to focus your growth together. If this resonated with you, let’s keep it going. I share more relationship advice and tools on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube, and I’d love to hear your thoughts too, whether it’s feedback on the show, questions about past episodes, or ideas for what you’d like me to cover next. Let’s talk! xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self

Transcript

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0:00.0	This is Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, and you're listening to the Love, Happiness, and Success Podcast.
0:07.5	What happens when someone with an anxious attachment style and someone with an avoidant attachment style come together in a relationship?
0:17.6	Can these pairings work?
0:19.5	And more importantly, can they be healthy? That's what we're talking about on
0:23.6	today's show. We're listening to Victoria Monet with an iteration of her song experience, which I think is
0:34.9	like a little bit perfect for today because if you listen to the song,
0:39.1	it's all about like, I'm hoping that you can change basically is the punchline.
0:45.9	And I think that many people who are in a relationship with somebody who has a fundamentally
0:52.8	different attachment style than they do can often
0:56.4	spend a lot of time and energy trying to get their partner to change being more like them.
1:03.7	And that can create a lot of friction, a lot of conflict, and a lot of disappointment and a
1:10.2	relationship.
1:11.5	And that's also a lot of conflict and a lot of disappointment and a relationship. And that's also a lot of opportunity for all of us, I think, to avoid, you know, engaging in that dynamic.
1:20.7	And instead taking a look at our own attachment styles and using that self-awareness and our skills as we grow in our ability to manage
1:31.1	ourselves, regulate our own anxiety, to really create the kind of relationship that we want
1:36.4	no matter what sort of attachment style our partner may have. And so that's what we're going to be
1:42.2	diving into on today's show. And I really wanted
1:45.8	to talk about this because, as you may know, if you've listened to this show in the past,
1:50.2	my background, I am a licensed psychologist, I'm a board certified coach, but I am also a licensed
1:56.4	marriage and family therapist. And that's really how I identify professionally as more of a relationship
2:02.5	person. And that's a lot of what we do in my practice, growing self-counseling and coaching.
2:09.3	And it is not at all uncommon for couples to come in for things like marriage counseling,
	...

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