When a Butch Loves a Femme
Unladylike
Unladylike Media
4.8 • 3.7K Ratings
🗓️ 26 March 2024
⏱️ 37 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Are butch-femme roles in queer relationships just recycling the same old hetero his 'n' hers gender boxes? What happens when toxic masculinity invades queer relationships and spaces? In an Unladylike FIRST, we're re-asking and re-answering a listener advice request–and with empathetic expertise from Autostraddle editor in-chief Carmen Phillips and membership editorial and ops wrangler and writer Nico Hall. Carmen and Nico break down butch misogyny, femme objectification and why lesbian relationships aren't immune to patriarchy. Highlights include: midcentury Buffalo lesbians, helpful dykes, queer signaling and Catholic school unladies.
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Carmen and Nico's recommended reading:
- Boots of Leather, Slippers of Gold
- Kate Bornstein (author of Gender Outlaw)
- With Gratitude and Struggle: Loving Butch/Femme as a Trans Woman
- Butch Memoirs to Check Out
- On navigating femme invisibility
- The Allure of Chola Femininity
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | It can't be misogynist if it's between two women. It can't have toxic |
| 0:04.5 | masculinity if it's between two women. In my experience that's just |
| 0:07.2 | fundamentally not true and I think part of that is because we have to all learn |
| 0:11.4 | that we all grew up in a patriarchal society. |
| 0:14.4 | Like the patriarchy lives within us. on Lady Life. |
| 0:25.0 | Life. |
| 0:27.0 | A lady like a lady like a lady like a lady like a lady like a lady like a lady like a lady like a lady like a lady like a lady like a lady like a lady like a lady like like a Lady Like a Lady Like. |
| 0:33.0 | I've had a love. |
| 0:39.0 | This is Un Lady Like, I'm Kristen. |
| 0:42.0 | And today is an un-like. I'm Kristen. And today is an unprecedented addition of Ask Unladylike, |
| 0:49.1 | where we answer listeners' questions that Google and sometimes even on lady like |
| 0:55.1 | has a bit of trouble with. The reason this is an unprecedented ask on lady like |
| 1:00.8 | is because for the very first time ever, we are re-asking and re-ansering a |
| 1:08.4 | listener's question. To explain, we must go back to explain. We must go back to November 2022. That is when an episode |
| 1:18.9 | published titled Ask on Lady Like, Butch Girl Friends and Child Free Step Moms. |
| 1:26.0 | The Child Free Step Moms part of that episode. |
| 1:28.8 | Totally fine. |
| 1:29.8 | I stand by that. |
| 1:31.6 | The Butch Girlfriends part of the episode not so great. |
| 1:37.0 | For instance an Unlady named Sahara wrote in and said I've been listening to Unladylike since before it was on Ladylike, |
| 1:46.5 | and usually feel refreshed by the well thought out feminist and intersectional perspective. |
| 1:52.4 | However, as a queer woman, I was really unsettled by your |
... |
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