What was the cringiest thing you did in your first relationship?

High school girlfriend and I used to make out on her bed with the door locked while her parents were

out there, under the impression that we were studying. Heavy kissing and at some point she says,

Cut that out, your breath stinks. I started kissing her neck and she slowly wrapped her legs

around my thigh. A couple of minutes later starts breathing heavily.

A couple of minutes after that, her legs tighten around my thigh, and a couple of minutes

after that, she suddenly goes rigid, eyes roll up until I see whites, rapid breathing, exhaling

heavily, I panic.

And this is my moronic thought process, since all the bloods left my brain. She's choking. I should give

her CPR, but she said no kissing her mouth. So I close my lips around her nose and blow like a trumpet.

She starts coughing immediately, but she's too polite to cuss me out, says she needs a drink of water, and leaves the room.

We continued to go out

for about six years after that. In conclusion, didn't realize girlfriend was having a great time,

thought she was dying, tried to save her by blowing sewer breath straight into her nose. I'm

an idiot. I lost my virginity to my first girlfriend. I was about 16 at the time and was invited to stay the

night because her dad was on a business trip. I was excited because we'd talked a bunch about doing it,

and I was finally ready to lose my virginity. I get to her house and we're straight to action.

She pulls down my pants and my eggplant is as limp as a top ramen noodle.

She did mouth stuff for about 30 minutes until I could at least get half a chub.

I got on top and started ramming away.

I didn't really know what to do with my hands and at the time I know that people pull hair while doing the deed.

So I crap you not, I stare down at her and take my two hands full of her hair on both sides and just pull in a downward thrust while I'm ramming away.

...