Hi, you're listening to Small Things Often from the Gottman Institute, where we talk you through research-based tips to help improve your relationships in five minutes or less.

Today's tip is about what to say if you want a deep connection with your partner.

Short quiz, part one. What's one of the best ways to practice good self-care?

Do you know? It's building a strong support system. Friends who are always there for you

whenever you need an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, or just someone to nod and say,

I get it. Having good friendships are essential to your well-being.

Okay, short quiz part two. What's the most important predictor of successful relationships

between partners? Is it because you love them? Desire them. Have much in common with them.

Those things certainly help. but it's not the answer. The greatest predictor of a successful partnership is friendship. You like and

respect each other, even when life becomes a little rocky. You're aware of each other's likes and dislikes.

Like they hate peanut butter but love oysters.

You accept their quirks.

Like they'll drive completely out of their way to avoid making a left-hand turn,

which drives you nuts, but you totally understand.

And you support their dearest hopes and dreams, even if one of them

is climbing Mount Fuji. You won't go up the mountain with them, but by God, you'll be there,

cheering them on from the ground. So how is your friendship quotient with your partner? Even if you do

have friendship at the

core of your relationship, some couples go off the rails because of the daily stressors

that come from outside the relationship. Here's an exercise to help deepen your connection

and help build trust and friendship. Sit down with your partner to talk about recent

stressors in each of your lives.

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