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Am I the Genius?

What Police Stories Are SO INTENSE That NOTHING Could Have Prepared Them For?

Am I the Genius?

amithejerk.com

Education, Self-improvement

4.6766 Ratings

🗓️ 16 February 2026

⏱️ 21 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

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Transcript

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0:00.0

From Zero to Crisis. Police stories that nothing could have prepared them for.

0:06.0

My husband has been a police officer for 20 years. One night he was patrolling the downtown area

0:11.5

when he noticed a purse somebody had left behind. He opened the bag to check for ID and found

0:16.2

a big old bit of number two. Some lady took a big dump in her handbag and just left it behind. He'll talk

0:22.5

about autopsies and burnt cadavers just fine, but this is the one story he'd rather forget. As a rookie,

0:28.7

I was responding to an alarm at a restaurant that was supposed to be haunted by a woman. The first

0:34.3

officer that arrived was an older guy that didn't do much and didn't ever get excited on the radio. As soon as he arrived, he asked for a second unit in a high-pitched tone. As I pulled in, he had his shoddy out and he was leaned up over his hood. My first thought was, oh crap, someone's breaking in. When I ran up to him and asked what was up, all he said was that as he pulled up and his lights hit the building, a woman jumped off the roof and disappeared. He was clearly shaken. Me and another officer checked the building and found no evidence that somebody had been there. It made an impression on me, and I never went back to the restaurant at night without another officer. Was doing a welfare check at a house for a mail with self-deleting tendencies.

1:13.2

Only person living at the house.

1:14.8

His car was in the driveway and the house was locked up.

1:17.6

Gathered some more info and I was told where a key was.

1:20.5

Opened the door, announced myself and started searching the place expecting to find a dead

1:24.6

body.

1:25.6

I opened a closet door and the guy was hiding in there with a rifle

1:28.2

next to him. If he wanted me dead, I wouldn't be typing this. The guy was having some issues.

1:33.6

I sat and we talked for about half an hour. Told me he hurt me, but he didn't want to talk anymore.

1:38.0

I got him the help he needed. Man, so many people would have just shot him on site. The number of

1:43.0

welfare check calls that go

1:44.5

wrong is astounding. I'm glad you helped. You're awesome. A law professor in Australia spent

1:50.1

20 years as a cop before becoming a lawyer and eventually teaching. In explaining the battered

1:54.7

wife syndrome defense to murder, he told a story of a call to a little old lady's house where she

1:59.8

said on the phone that she had killed her husband. Before this incident, he didn't really understand why this defense existed. Why doesn't the woman just leave? Why doesn't she just go to someone else's house? Professor shows up at the door and is greeted by a little old lady saying, Come in, would you like some tea? He goes in and she starts putting some cakes on a tray and pouring tea. He wonders if she's all there. He asked, So, you said that you killed your husband on the phone. Would I be able to see him? She directs him to the living room where the old man was on a lazy boy chair, bottle in hand and a tomahawk in his skull. Meanwhile, the old lady is asking if he takes sugar or milk in his tea. The professor

2:35.2

said at this moment he realized why the defense for battered wife exists. The drunk old guy

...

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