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The Chase Jarvis LIVE Show

What Makes Relationships Last with John & Julie Gottman

The Chase Jarvis LIVE Show

Chase Jarvis

Celebrity, Art, Career, Creativity, Money, Entrepreneurship, Self-improvement, Education, Careers, Writing, Interview, Investment, Influencer, Business, Photography

4.8641 Ratings

🗓️ 28 September 2022

⏱️ 66 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

If you’ve ever wondered what ends a relationship fastest, these two guests have the answer. Drs. John and Julie Gottman cofounders of The Gottman Institute, both world-renowned in their field, have devoted their lives to the research and practice of helping people create healthy, long-lasting relationships. They’re joining me on the show and I’m thrilled because Kate and I just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary and I want to know, are we doing it right? Well, I know we must have some of the good attributes of a healthy relationship, but I learned more about what works and what doesn’t.

It’s been the life work of Drs. John and Julie Gottman as researchers and clinical psychologists to understand exactly what goes into successful relationships. Their work is a culmination of over 40 years of research and includes the most extensive study on marital stability. They’ve learned by studying more than 3000 couples and have used their findings to develop their work in helping people have better relationships in love and in life.

On the show, we talk about their work and their latest book, The Love Prescription: Seven Days to More Intimacy, Connection, and Joy. We go into the depths to discover more about how good relationships work.

Let’s get into this!

Here are just some of the highlights from the show:

  • [04:23] Intro and background
  • [5:37] Over 50 years in the making
  • [10:01] The things that successful couples avoid
  • [13:49] What does work and creating love maps
  • [22:19] Conflicts and underlying dreams
  • [43:28] The role of asking good questions
  • [47:58] Community is declining in America
  • [58:45] What is it about the human condition that makes it so that we need this big stuff to happen (trauma/crisis) to look deeper?

Enjoy!

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

We've found, you know, a subtle but important distinction between saying what your

0:11.0

positive need is and what your negative need is.

0:15.0

So a negative need means saying what you resent, what you don't like, what you want your partner to stop doing.

0:23.6

That doesn't work because your partner will hear it as a criticism.

0:28.6

Right?

0:29.6

So instead, flip it on its head and say the opposite.

0:35.6

What is it that you do need? How can your partner shine for you? That's what

0:42.4

you need to be telling your partner. That's a positive need. All right. That little nugget is just a

0:47.3

hint of what you're going to get in today's show, where we feature doctors John and Julie Gottman here

0:51.8

on the Chase Jarvis Live show. If you have a problem or challenges, communicating your big dream, your passion for this

0:58.3

one precious life, communicating to your partners, to your spouse, to your friends and peers,

1:02.7

this episode is for you.

1:05.7

This episode of the Chase Jarvis Live show is brought to you by Creative Live.

1:10.9

It is the world's largest and best platform for creative and entrepreneurial education.

1:15.4

With more than 2,000 classes, entrepreneurs, freelancers, hobbyists, and full-time pros

1:21.7

can all up-level those skills and invest in themselves.

1:26.9

With more than 2,000 classes, you, you entrepreneur out there,

1:31.0

you freelancer, you hobbyist, or you full-time professional, I see you, you can come here to level

1:37.3

up your skills and invest in yourself. Creative Live is how this show happens. They make it possible.

1:44.0

There's always something

1:44.8

streaming for free. That's one of the reasons that I encourage you to check it out right now.

1:48.9

And if you didn't know with the Creative Live iOS app, you can take your learning with you on the go,

...

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