What was your... I was only gone X minutes. What the heck happened? Story.

One night I was on my own and decided to make a nice meal for myself. I spent about half an hour

preparing and baking a delicious chicken breast with sun-dried tomatoes and brey cheese. So I got

everything ready, set up my dinner and my beer on the coffee table, and sat down to eat and

watch some TV. At this point, my cat waltzes in and sat on the couch next to me. Then he dropped

something out of his mouth next to me. I turned to look at it, and it was a snake. Okay, no big

deal. It's not a big one. So I got up and grabbed some snake wrangling tools, a dustpan and

brush, and scooped this little guy up. I walked out the front door and tossed the snake back into

the bushes, hoping the cat won't go after it again. I was gone for about 15 seconds. I came back

inside and my dinner was gone. The cat was under the table, hunched over a half-eaten

chicken breast, and growling every time I came near. And that's the first time my cat distracted me

with a snake in order to steal my dinner. I was going to say, this literally sounds like the cat

plotted this out to get your food. I left my two-year-old twins for two

minutes. They were happily glued to the TV and I thought it was the perfect opportunity to

sneak to the kitchen and finish making my coffee. They continued being quiet and I found it strange,

as they normally come and follow me when I leave the room. I came back and there was soil

scattered all over my carpet. One was feeding the other a plant. It was our first baby. My wife

had never left our little girl, but decided to run an errand leaving me, dad, alone with her.

I assured my wife all would be well in her short absence.

The kid is sleeping in my arms.

All is quiet.

I give my wife a kiss and she heads out the door.

...