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Am I the Genius?

What is the Biggest FLEX that your Pet Pulled on You to ASSERT DOMINANCE?

Am I the Genius?

amithejerk.com

Education, Self-improvement

4.6766 Ratings

🗓️ 30 December 2025

⏱️ 20 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

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Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

What's the biggest flex that your pet pulled on you to assert dominance?

0:05.0

We have a specific plant in our garden, euphorbias for you garden nerds.

0:10.0

Well, my dog just wouldn't stop doing his business on them, them specifically.

0:13.0

So I took some firewood planks and stuck them in the ground as a makeshift fence around them.

0:18.0

It worked for a few days until she crawled past the gap between

0:21.4

the plant and the hedge, did a reverse turn and crapped on my plant again. Persistence at its best.

0:27.4

I have five cats. The youngest will wait until I clean every litter box in the house

0:32.9

and throw the bag in the trash to decide that she wants to go number two in one box and then number one

0:38.4

in another box. I wondered for a while if this is the only time she goes and she's just picky

0:43.0

about having a clean box, but it's not. This happens literally every time I clean their boxes.

0:48.4

She'll sit and watch me as I'm cleaning them too. One time when my poochie managed to get

0:53.9

three tennis balls in his mouth

0:55.3

at the dog park. He hasn't been able to do it again since that one time, but he routinely walks

0:59.7

around with two in his mouth and looks at the other dogs like, check me out. At the dog park

1:04.5

years back, we were approaching a pond. There was this big dug in the water that looked

1:08.6

horribly disfigured. Like it must have tried fetching a live M-80 and had his mouth blown apart. Poor thing. Whatever, life goes on, he was happily playing with two other dogs in the water. As I got closer, trying to discreetly check out this messed-up mouth, the mother fricker drops three freaking tennis balls out of his mouth and suddenly goes back to being a normal, idiot,

1:32.3

non-disfigured boxer dog, or similar breed. I don't even think that was his maximum capacity,

1:38.1

to be honest. My rabbit, when I went out of town for the weekend, I lined up someone to stay with her.

1:42.3

I was just heading back to my house when I got the call to get home now, because the rabbit acting weird. Listless, turning down treats,

1:45.6

all things that point to the beginnings of G.I. Stasis, which is bad. I get home and sit with her

1:50.5

for about 20 minutes. Yep, she's showing signs. I get her to the emergency vet. Three hundred bucks later,

1:56.9

and the vet tells me her diagnosis. Drama Queen. The rabbit was just upset that I wasn't home.

...

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