What's the best witty comeback you've ever witnessed?

Back in 10th grade, we had a long-term substitute physics teacher, younger guy,

so the tough guys in class wanted to have a pee-pee measuring contest with him, like daily.

They constantly made fun of him and joked about his wife.

One day, I didn't hear the start of it, but one kid said something like,

I'll bury my face in your

wife's chest. Teacher had obviously had enough and said, no, the only Ds you're ever going to see

are your grades. The class exploded, nobody ever told on the teacher for saying that, and the guys

stopped messing with him. Could a teacher even get in trouble for saying something like that

at your school? They certainly wouldn't at mine. They were given wide latitude, especially if provoked. The only case of a teacher

getting in trouble of a crap was when a math teacher hit a kid for saying something about his,

the teacher's, girlfriend. In other words, physical violence could get a teacher in trouble. Words,

other than presumably slurs, or maybe things that were entirely unprovoked, couldn't. Our geography teacher didn't even use our names. Words, other than presumably slurs or maybe things that were entirely unprovoked,

couldn't. Our geography teacher didn't even use our names, just called us little craps,

vermin, emo kid with shampoo deficiency, etc. And we loved her.

Sitting in a bar in a country well known for working girls, a guy walks in and starts yelling

at a girl, B word, you gave me VD. She looked at him and said,

No, I didn't, you barred it. That guy got burned twice.

I miss my late uncle. He was the wittiest mother fricker I ever knew. Not a joke teller,

just had great one-line comebacks that were never mean, just funny. My favorite

was when he went out to eat at a diner with his wife and my mom, just the three of them.

The waitress said to him, lucky you, you get to eat with two ladies. My uncle replied, yeah,

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