What is Great Sex: Myths About Sex, and What Separates Good Sex and Bad Sex! | Dr. Nicole McNichols

The James Altucher Show

James Altucher

Education, Business

4.6 • 2.7K Ratings

🗓️ 12 February 2026

⏱️ 30 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

A Note from James:

This might be the most useful episode I’ve ever done. Not that the others weren’t useful—they were—but this one goes above and beyond. It was also awkward for me, and honestly a little embarrassing, to ask some of these questions. I asked them anyway, and I’m glad I did, because the answers were excellent.

This episode is with Dr. Nicole McNichols, who just released her book You Could Be Having Better Sex: The Definitive Guide to a Happier, Healthier, and Hotter Sex Life. There was so much strong material that we split the conversation into three parts.

This first episode focuses on what great sex actually is, the myths most of us have absorbed, and what really separates good sex from bad sex. Episode two will focus on the science and mechanics of pleasure—how sex actually works. Episode three will be about keeping the spark alive over time.

I had a lot of fun talking with Dr. McNichols, and I hope you enjoy this first part.

Episode Description:

What actually makes sex good—and why do so many people get it wrong?

In this episode, James talks with human sexuality professor Dr. Nicole McNichols about how modern myths around sex, porn, dating culture, and “chemistry” distort what people think they’re supposed to want. Instead of performance, novelty, or intensity, she explains why pleasure, communication, and feeling genuinely wanted matter far more.

They also unpack why anxiety and uncertainty are often mistaken for chemistry, how emotional and intellectual intimacy feed sexual connection, and why setting clear boundaries is essential—not just in relationships, but in dating itself.

This conversation reframes sex in a way most people were never taught, grounded in research, real relationships, and practical self-respect.

What You’ll Learn:

Why great sex is defined by pleasure, communication, and responsiveness—not performance or novelty
How anxiety, inconsistency, and “the chase” get mistaken for chemistry
Why non-sexual touch and everyday intimacy directly affect sexual desire
How intellectual connection and feeling seen feed attraction
How setting clear boundaries in dating protects your emotional and sexual health

Timestamped Chapters:

[00:02:00] Episode Preview: Porn myths, exaggerated expectations, and false ideas about desire
[00:03:18] A Note from James
[00:04:36] Interview Begins: Dr. Nicole McNichols’ background and teaching human sexuality
[00:07:05] What’s the difference between bad sex and great sex?
[00:10:16] The role of caring and communication
[00:11:21] In defense of “vanilla” sex
[00:12:47] Why non-sexual touch matters more than people realize
[00:14:23] Intellectual intimacy and sexual attraction
[00:15:25] Sapiosexuality and attraction beyond looks
[00:17:03] Chemistry vs. anxiety in relationships
[00:19:13] The real number-one sexual fantasy: feeling wanted
[00:21:15] The myth of “playing the game” in attraction
[00:24:30] Dating in the culture of ambiguity
[00:26:14] Why intentional dating matters
[00:27:55] Boundaries, confidence, and self-care

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Transcript

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0:00.0	Today on the James Altiger show.
0:03.8	I'm a human sexuality professor here.
0:05.9	I'm in the psychology department at U-Dubb.
0:08.2	And yeah, I teach a really large class, 4,000 students a year, all about sex.
0:12.4	Let's face it, a lot of people are watching a lot of porn.
0:16.0	And that can kind of give this idea that you have to have all these, you know,
0:20.8	8 million-style Olympic positions in order for it to be hot.
0:24.5	That you are meant to be having multiple orgasms and having a sexual response
0:31.5	that is completely exaggerated and not representative at all of how real bodies work.
0:38.3	That you're meant to have rough sex, right?
0:41.3	Creating this sense that you may be somebody they're interested, but they're not quite sure.
0:47.3	We can get into that chase mode.
0:50.3	We can get into that almost obsessive partner where it almost has more to do with,
0:56.8	frankly, unresolved childhood wounds where maybe you never felt like there was a full sense
1:01.7	of conditional love from your parents. But without even blaming our parents, it can just get
1:07.3	into almost an addiction to that uncertainty. That is not chemistry.
1:11.9	The number one sexual fantasy is passion and romance, feeling wanted.
1:19.6	This isn't your average business podcast, and he's not your average host.
1:24.4	This is the James Altasurer show. This might be the most useful episode ever. Not that the other episodes weren't useful. They were all incredible,
1:45.6	but this one is above and beyond. And not only that, it was very awkward for me, almost
1:52.1	embarrassing to ask the questions, but I did it and I got great answers.
1:58.5	Episodes with Dr. Nicole McNichols. She just came out with her book. You
	...

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