What if Dating Isn't For Me?

Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel

Esther Perel Global Media

Society & Culture, Education, Health & Fitness, Mental Health, Self-improvement

4.7 • 16.4K Ratings

🗓️ 16 February 2026

⏱️ 56 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

She's 26 and has never been in a relationship that made her feel happier or more fulfilled than when she's single. She's questioning whether being in a relationship is right for her. Esther helps her explore the issues stemming from her childhood, her need for perfection, and how these impact her romantic life. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com. Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the people in the room with Esther, but all of us who learn from their stories. Our stories have many chapters, and what you hear is just one moment in someone’s journey. So even though the sessions are anonymous, please remember that real people are behind them and they may be reading your comments. Also, please join me on Entre Nous, my new home on Substack for anyone who wants to live, love, and work with more connection and imagination. I invite you to sign up and become a free or paid member at estherperel.substack.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hi, Astaire. I'm a 26-year-old woman, and the question that I'm trying to figure out is whether or not being in a
0:09.5	relationship is right for me. So I grew up kind of expecting that I was going to find the perfect man
0:19.0	someday and get married and have kids and then my life
0:23.2	would be perfect and I would be happy and that's all I would ever need.
0:28.0	And I've been with men that I love, but I don't think I've ever been in a relationship
0:32.8	that made me feel happier or more fulfilled than I do when I'm single. I felt like my partners were always
0:42.6	trying to get me to do things that I didn't want to do or to live my life in ways that I didn't
0:47.7	want to. And I think partly that's because I'm pretty introverted and I'm also kind of a
0:53.3	perfectionist and neither of those
0:55.6	things is bad. Like I don't dislike those things about myself, but I think they make it very easy
1:01.1	for me to feel like I'm being pushed and pulled in a direction that I don't want to go.
1:05.7	So I've been kind of questioning whether even being in a relationship at all is really the right
1:10.7	thing for me.
1:11.9	And the problem is that I'm just worried that I'm going to end up alone in my old age.
1:18.6	You know, right now I have my parents close by and I'm very open to the idea of having a child by
1:25.0	myself. But once I get older and my parents are gone and my
1:28.6	kid moves away maybe, like I don't want to be alone with no family. But I also just feel so much
1:36.0	more myself when I'm single. So I'm trying to figure out, should I keep looking for a partner or
1:43.5	should I just decide that I'm okay by myself?
1:47.0	So I'm hoping that maybe you can help me with some of this.
1:55.0	Support for Where Should We Begin comes from Olli. It's tempting to feel you need to improve yourself in the new year,
2:03.6	but Olli wants to offer an alternative.
	...

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