What I Got Wrong About My Parents’ Marriage

Modern Love

The New York Times

Society & Culture, Nyt, Nytimes, Loss, Redemption, Storytelling, New York Times, Love, Essay

4.3 • 9K Ratings

🗓️ 21 June 2023

⏱️ 25 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

As one of the only Indian girls in her tiny Canadian mountain town, Natasha Singh stood out — and she was unafraid of being different. At 13, she shaved her head. By 17, she had run away for good. A few years later she came out to her mother. Natasha’s worldview was worlds apart from her very traditional immigrant parents. Her mother always wore a sari — never pants — and Natasha longed for the power and control her father wielded in the family. She balked at the idea of marriage. That is, until she found Branly. Now, decades after leaving home and watching her parents age together, Natasha reflects on a new understanding of her parents and an appreciation for the devotion they shared.

Transcript

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0:00.0	I love now and to the fullest.
0:04.0	I love a lot stronger than anything.
0:08.0	And I love you more than anything.
0:12.0	I love you.
0:15.0	From the New York Times, I'm Anna Martin.
0:18.0	This is Modern Love.
0:21.0	Growing up, I loved to watch my parents.
0:25.0	I noticed small things.
0:27.0	Like whenever my mom would get up from the dinner table,
0:29.0	my dad would stand up too.
0:32.0	When we watched a movie, they'd sit next to each other on the couch
0:34.0	so my mom could easily scratch my dad's head.
0:37.0	And when we were in the car, they'd bigger over each other's driving
0:40.0	and then apologize before we even got out.
0:44.0	It made me think, okay, this is what a marriage is.
0:47.0	This is what it means to love someone for life.
0:50.0	And I knew that I wanted that someday.
0:53.0	Today's essay is by a woman who also spent her whole life observing her parents,
0:57.0	especially her mother.
0:59.0	But what she saw made her not want to get married ever.
1:05.0	Natasha Singh, welcome to Modern Love.
1:08.0	Thank you. It's great to be here.
	...

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