What Healthy Couples DON’T Do with Dr. Amy Morin

Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

Being Well

Education, Self-improvement, Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.8 • 2.7K Ratings

🗓️ 4 December 2023

⏱️ 69 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Just as we can exercise our arms or legs to build physical strength, we can exercise our brains like we do any other muscle. Therapist Amy Morin joins Forrest to help us learn how to regulate our thoughts, manage our emotions, and become more psychologically flexible. These key skills are particularly important for building a healthy relationship. Forrest and Amy explore how couples can work together to identify their issues, deal with effort imbalances, and avoid common mistakes (like having, get this, not enough conflict). About our Guest: Amy Morin is a licensed clinical social worker, bestselling author, and the host of the Mentally Stronger podcast.Her most recent book is 13 Things Mentally Strong Couples Don't Do, out on December 26th. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:35: Amy’s personal background, and how she got to the idea of mental strengths 7:30: Self-compassion vs. self-pity 11:05: Not giving away your power 14:50: Diagnosing root problems in relationships 18:25: When one frustration brings up all your other frustrations 22:25: The inevitability of conflict, and the vulnerability in expressing remorse 27:35: Setting the ground rules for a therapeutic conversation 31:05: When it feels like your partner isn’t invested in making changes 34:50: Learning to deconstruct reactive thoughts and misguided perceptions 38:30: Taking your thoughts with a grain of salt, and asking ‘what else might be true?’ 41:20: Scorekeeping vs. negotiating, and finding ways to meet our own needs 45:40: Giving our partner what we actually want for ourselves 49:00: Balancing desires for closeness and distance 51:15: Not being a martyr or ‘controlling through giving’ 55:30: Boundaries between partners, and how our backgrounds influence our preferences 1:00:35: Developing psychological flexibility 1:03:40: Recap Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors: Start speaking a new language in just 3 weeks with Babbel! Get 55% off at Babbel.com/BEING. Zocdoc helps you find expert doctors and medical professionals that specialize in the care you need, and deliver the type of experience you want. Head to zocdoc.com/being and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hello and
0:05.0	welcome to being well, I'm Forrest Hansen.
0:10.0	If you're new to the podcast, thanks for joining us today.
0:13.0	And if you've listened before, welcome back.
0:15.6	We spend a lot of time talking and thinking about building up our physical strength and physical
0:20.8	health.
0:21.8	But just as we can develop physical strength, we can develop mental strength. We can develop mental strength. We can exercise the
0:26.4	brain like we do any other muscle, performing exercises that help us learn to regulate
0:31.2	our thoughts, manage our emotions, and behave skillfully,
0:34.8	even in challenging circumstances. These skills are important all the time, but they might be
0:40.6	particularly important in our relationships, so to help us learn how to develop
0:44.7	more mental strength and build relationships that reflect it, I'm joined by psychotherapist Amy Morin.
0:50.5	Amy is a licensed clinical social worker, a best-selling author, and the host of the mentally stronger
0:55.6	podcast.
0:56.6	She's written a wonderful series of books on mental strength, including her most recent book,
1:01.3	13 Things Mentally Strong Cou couples don't do, which comes out on December 26th.
1:07.0	And her TED Talk, The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong has been viewed more than 23 million times which is just a crazy number and it
1:14.4	makes it one of their most popular ones ever. So Amy, thanks for joining me today.
1:17.8	How are you? Thank you so much for having me. I'm doing wonderful and I'm thrilled to be here. Yeah, we're so
1:24.7	glad to have you. It's so fun. You were saying before we got going that you'd
1:28.4	listen to the show before, which I was just totally tickled by.
1:30.8	Yeah, for a long time. So I, again, honor to be here today.
	...

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