What Happened When My Dad and I Came Out to Each Other

Modern Love

The New York Times

Storytelling, Nytimes, Nyt, Redemption, New York Times, Society & Culture, Loss, Essay, Love

4.3 • 9K Ratings

🗓️ 18 February 2026

⏱️ 38 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Julia Stoller loved her dad. But she never wanted to be him. He was a rule follower, he was so serious, and he was so straight. Then, when Julia was in her 20s, she got a phone call that completely changed her idea of who her father was. And as he opened up to her, sharing secrets he had been holding onto for decades, she was finally able to open up to him, too. This week on “Modern Love,” Anna talks to Julia about what happened when she had to get to know a whole new version of her dad, and what she learned about herself in the process. You can read Julia’s original story in the Modern Love column.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Love now and...
0:03.0	Love was stronger than anything.
0:06.5	I feel of love.
0:08.0	And I love you more than anything.
0:10.0	Modern love!
0:11.0	There's to love.
0:12.0	Love.
0:17.0	From the New York Times, I'm Anna Martin. This is Modern Love.
0:22.9	Growing up, like a lot of kids, Julia Stoller thought her dad was just kind of a square.
0:28.9	He was polite, always on time, very Midwestern, that sort of thing.
0:33.5	She loved him, but she didn't think they had much in common.
0:37.0	But after she grew up and went to college, her dad made an announcement that shocked their family.
0:42.8	And suddenly, Julia realized she didn't know her dad at all.
0:46.9	Today, I talked to Julia about what it was like to build a relationship with her dad from scratch
0:51.3	and what happened when they were finally honest with each other?
0:59.4	Julia Stoller, welcome to Modern Love.
1:01.5	So happy to be here.
1:02.8	Julia, I'm going to hop right in with you, and I want to start with a phone call you had with
1:07.6	your dad that changed pretty much everything you thought you knew about him.
1:12.0	Take me there. Where were you? What happened? I'm unlocking my bike outside my apartment and then my phone
1:19.2	rings and it's my mom. Out of nowhere, she says, your father's a bisexual and he's leaving me.
1:27.0	Wait, hold on. She says this to you. Where's the bike? Like, what's happening in your body?
	...

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