Welcome to the Daily Dad podcast, where we provide one lesson every single day to help you with your most important job, being a parent.

I'm Ryan Holiday, and I draw these lessons from ancient philosophy, modern psychology, practical wisdom, and insights from

parents just like you all over the world. Thank you for listening, and we hope this helps.

What are you actually teaching them? You're trying to teach them that punctuality is important, but in practice it's more or less in an anxiety. You're trying to teach them not to do something dangerous, but because you got upset and angry, what you really made them feel was that you were dangerous, that you were not safe. You're trying to get them to fulfill their potential, trying to motivate them to succeed in school, but in the way you expressed your disappointment at their grades or how they could have

hustled a little harder at practice, the real message you sent was that their identity

is tied up in what they achieve.

And of course you didn't mean to, but it doesn't really matter.

It's what they hear that matters.

It's what they see that matters.

How easily we end up sending

the exact opposite message that we intend. How easily we end up missing the most important lesson

we have to send always in in all things. Emotional regulation. Punctuality matters, grades matter,

listening to adults matters. But if in trying to get this across, we get upset or we

make it into something more than it needs to be, we not only don't get our message across,

we end up communicating something we don't mean, something that will stick with them far longer

than we intend.

Hey, thank you for listening to The Daily Dad podcast.

Leave us a review in iTunes.

It helps a great deal.

Really appreciate it.

And of course, if you know any other dads who could benefit from these messages,

please let them know.

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