Sometimes you got a present, when you want a friend, all you gotta do is present, present.

Welcome to press send, I'm Chanel Exander, and this is the podcast that we talk through all of your problems and give you our best advice in today. I'm recording a solo episode for you, and this is just kind of a reflection,

episode. I've been thinking a lot just of this time of year last year, and I wanted to just do a short episode today about kind of the difference a year can make. And so, um, it's like a personal one, I guess, uh, but last year, if you were following me around that time or listening to the podcast at that time, you'll know literally this

when this comes out is like basically as I was going through a breakup last year.

And if you don't know, my partner and I had been together for three years, um, we live together and, um, you know, there were a lot of great things about our relationship, and there were some not so great things about our relationship, and

I found myself in a point where I was just so exhausted, um, exhausted for a lot of reasons, exhausted for trying to make it work, exhausted by, um, trying to figure out what someone else needed, and kind of always pushing down what I needed.

I was finding myself, um, taking all of the things that I needed in a relationship, which were like quality time and thoughtfulness and, and creativity and a willingness to like think about the us versus us as individuals.

I had all these needs, right? And I felt like I was just like one by one, bawling them up and crinkling the paper and putting it in my pocket.

And saying, oh, maybe I don't need that so bad because I'm not getting it and maybe I can give that up a little bit more.

And what was funny is, well, I guess it wasn't that funny, but it wasn't funny at the time.

But I was getting rid of all these needs I had.

And at the end, I still got broken up with.

I still had someone end a relationship with me because no matter what we need and how much we concede to another person, it's still never gonna be enough.

You didn't concede enough because it's not the right fit.

And what I realized after that time is like I had given up all these things I wanted, and I still was broken up with.

I still was too much.

And I learned so much from that time period, and while I'm not recommending a breakup after three years, like it was.

I mean, if you go back and listen to the breakup episode of this podcast, you will hear the incredible sadness in my voice, and I think we all had a little cry together.

But I learned something like so huge from that time, which was just because you're taking away needs and you're making it easier for someone to love you, it doesn't mean that they're gonna love you.

It doesn't mean that that's ever gonna be enough.

And so it's a it's a it's a false choice. It's a false choice to diminish yourself so that you're more palatable to someone else or that you're more levelable to someone else.

And I did it. I did it for a really long time. And then after the breakup, I was left with this really huge fallout. I was left with this fallout of

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