Hello everyone I'm Lexi Lumbar, your host of the Alexi Podcast and in this new episode I want us all just to imagine that we're at a beach

okay we're at an all-inclusive resort there's a bar at the pool that you could swim up to and you don't need to have your wallet because you paid for it ahead of time.

You look over at the lounge chairs and your loved ones are there, maybe to friends, your family, family your significant other and they're just

smiling they're reading their book laying in the sign you look at them and you're

happy to be with them but you're also having a little moment to yourself and you

feel so good so content. I'm feeling the

opposite of that right now. I'm in such a dark place right now. I'm in such darkness and my default typically I

operate at like a slightly happy mood like that's my default. I'm a little bit

above average in the happy department. I know darkness. I'm familiar with darkness. I even would go as far to say that I'm somewhat friendly with darkness. It's still frustrating when you're like, but I just want to be light-hearted.

I just want to be not thinking about things too heavily.

I want to feel light, and I don't. I feel like I'm in the thick of it right now I'm in this new stage of grief and I don't think it's as simple as the Kubler Ross five stages of grief that we all know and love and hold so dearly because it's a digestible way to understand death.

I don't think it's like that. I'm entering this new phase and it's I don't have a word for it yet and

I really feel like there's a dark cloud hanging over my head and it's been there and Sadly over the weekend so I got my second vaccine. I was just in bed all weekend I slept all Saturday

slept the first half of Sunday and then I spent all afternoon in a coffee shop

with my friends reading which by the way great Sunday activity when you just want to be doing a little bit of nothing but like a little bit of something.

Ask your friends to spend all afternoon at a coffee shop and just bring your books or your journals whatever and you can just sit and chat and you can take breaks from talking to

read it was perfect I had the best Sunday I've been loving Sundays

Sundays and workout days seem to be my favorite it's the work from home days where I'm here all by myself

that are just eating me alive right now. And yesterday, I had a to-do list. I had a schedule out for myself.

I also had an outfit that I put on. I got myself out of the

house. It was a beautiful day. You know, like all of the criteria to set yourself

up for success had been done, you know? Even the weather was on my side.

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