Was I Used for a Visa?

Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel

Esther Perel Global Media

Society & Culture, Education, Health & Fitness, Mental Health, Self-improvement

4.7 • 16.4K Ratings

🗓️ 12 January 2026

⏱️ 60 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

She comes to Esther reeling from the end of a five-year relationship marked by love, deceit, and manipulation. After discovering her partner’s infidelities and hearing a therapist describe him as a possible psychopath or narcissist, she struggles to understand what was real. Together, they work to untangle the conflicting truths, rebuild her trust in her own perceptions, and explore how she can approach love with greater clarity. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com. Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the people in the room with Esther, but all of us who learn from their stories. Our stories have many chapters, and what you hear is just one moment in someone’s journey. So even though the sessions are anonymous, please remember that real people are behind them and they may be reading your comments. Also, please join me on Entre Nous, my new home on Substack for anyone who wants to live, love, and work with more connection and imagination. I invite you to sign up and become a free or paid member at estherperel.substack.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hi Esther. I was in a nearly five-year life partnership with someone that I am now very concerned, used me for a visa.
0:11.0	I sponsored this person for permanent residency here in Australia, but unfortunately about a year ago, they walked out and then i subsequently found out they had been
0:22.2	cheating on me the entire relationship this was really deeply distressing to me because at the time
0:29.9	this was my deepest experience of love that i'd ever had deep care love and kindness i've never really believed anyone loved me as much as this person did.
0:43.1	And I've never really believed more in a connection between myself and another person.
0:47.6	So I was deeply shocked.
0:50.3	At the time, this person characterized their behaviour as something they didn't really understand
0:56.0	as self-sabotage and as something to do with their family history.
1:00.0	But a therapist I was seeing at the time said to me that she was pretty convinced that I had been used for a visa,
1:07.0	had been completely manipulated, that this person was a psychopath or a narcissist,
1:11.9	and that I didn't see the relationship myself or him clearly
1:16.1	because I was just so desperate to be loved
1:18.8	and that I don't really know what real love feels like or should look like.
1:23.8	Facts have come to light that probably support the psychologist's assessment and yet there's a part
1:30.3	of me that wants to hold on to the felt experience of love. I'm just wondering Esther if you can help me
1:36.5	unpack whether I should believe my psychologist's assessment, whether I don't really see myself
1:43.0	or relationships clearly and how do I move forward if I don't really see myself or relationships clearly and how do I move forward if I don't
1:48.3	really know what real love feels like. Thank you. Support for where should we begin comes from OLLI.
2:03.6	It's tempting to feel that you need to improve yourself in the new year, but OLLI wants to offer you an alternative.
2:11.1	Reconnection, not reinvention. They offer simple, science-backed supplements to support women's wellness.
2:18.2	Ollie has you covered.
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	...

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