It's a great thing that I'm attracted to this person.

That's really wonderful, but that ultimately is not going to be the deciding factor in whether this works.

This month I had a question from one of my love life club members who asked whether it was advisable to sleep with a guy after a second date.

She did also caveat this by saying I'm coming off the back of two years in a friends with benefits situation that I don't want to repeat.

Here's what I hear in this. I hear someone who has slipped into a dynamic with someone where she's sleeping with him regularly or every time they see each other at least, but it's not progressing.

And that's probably a dynamic that she ignored very early on in that situation.

And I also hear someone who is looking for something serious in her life.

She wants a real relationship where she can be intentional.

Now, I think sometimes the argument of can you sleep with someone on a first date or a second date quickly becomes this almost political gendered thing that becomes quite a misnomer.

Hopefully all of us here in this particular space can agree that it doesn't matter from the point of view of can you is it okay to whether you sleep with someone after

one drink or six months. I don't have an opinion on that other than of course it's okay. There are plenty of people who have had long term relationships that had sex on the first night.

The question is does it serve you and does it serve the path that you want to be on.

Now, I just said that why picked up from this question is that this person is being intentional about wanting to find a relationship.

So what we have to do then is ask ourselves is what I'm doing the behavior of someone who is being intentional.

Does that communicate to someone else and to myself that I'm being intentional.

I recently was in my local coffee shop and there was a guy in there and his mid-twenties really lovely guy who recognized me and started speaking to me.

He started telling me about this person that he's dating and how because he really likes her even though inside there's all these feelings he has about this person and he might want to paraphrasing what he said to me here but he essentially said I might want to scream I love you be with me forever.

But given that he really likes this person he was evolved enough to say I don't think it's a good idea for me to do that.

Instead I'm going to go at an organic pace with this person to see what it could actually be.

Now that brings up an interesting distinction doesn't it? There's what we feel like doing and there's the behavior that actually serves us in our intentions.

For him his intention was to have a relationship with this woman that he was seeing.

So suddenly telling her I love you and oh my god I just I just want to be with you all the time and doing all of these things if it communicates an intensity that would no longer feel organic.

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