Waiters of Reddit, what's the most messed up conversation you've overheard while waiting tables?

I was bringing a check for a wealthy local businessman who was dining with his girlfriend.

It was a big tab and I was already counting the tip when the woman hurled his drink in his face

and yelled to an aghast room of people,

You didn't even pay for the abortion!

And stormed out. The man calmly brushed the ice off of his suit and looked around and said, not the first time, won't be the last.

I wheeled off and gave him the bill later. I had a couple that came in with their kid. It's slow and

we have time to take it slow, so I'm just relaxing there

when I see the couple getting into an argument. It's clear from the facial expressions that

they're getting into a heated argument. Just as I'm about to come over with the bill, before it got

even worse, she throws her drink at his face, throws the food on the ground, and leaves with the kid.

He's stranded at the restaurant

since she took the car and awkwardly stays here for about an hour. We tried to make him comfortable,

but it was incredibly awkward. After he left, the police came to our restaurant about three hours

later, asking if he ate here. Turns out he died that night in a hit and run. St. Patrick's Day, working at a

pretty busy bar in San Diego, waiting on a table of fraternity guys from SDSU. No big deal. I take

the order and notice something is seriously off with one of the guys. Not like he was hammered or

anything, but he was just making a weird face. The bar was crowded and

noisy, so his bros didn't notice it. But I walked up by him and was like, are you okay? He looked

at me, pale as a ghost, and said, I just poop my pants. It's everywhere. It's in my shoes. Now, as a

man who's been there, I felt I had to help out. I also worked security at this place, so grabbed the attention of one of the big Tongan

bouncers.

...