The day was October 21st, 2020.

The time was 6.04 p.m.

Huddled over the glow of my phone, I hit send on a tweet heard around the web.

Or at least the echo chamber of comedians and other like-minded people on Twitter.

I don't care about celebrity gossip, I shout into the void of the internet.

Give me small-scale gossip.

I kept going.

I want to know why the night shift employees at Coles are mad at each other, I said.

I want the stakes low and the petty high.

I want to know who the least favorite Chris is at Costco.

To my utter delight, the replies came pouring in.

So, the life goes for power walks every morning.

My friend works at a local news station, and it is a total shit show.

So then her eyes went dark, and she said it's her husband's cousin who was trying to cash in a family name of

a national park resort. A cook got electricuted. I kind of love the level of petty. I mean,

she's leaving her job. What are they going to do? As I read each of these replies, I'd respond

with the juice in all calves. Like I was a priest declaring that a cup of wine was in fact the blood of Christ.

Seeing all these amazing stories come in made me realize that we need a place where we can celebrate low-stakes gossip.

We need a pallet cleanser from the dumb celebrity headlines forced into our brains by tech bros on a daily basis.

A place where we can revel in the pettiness that brings so much joy to our everyday conversations,

group texts, and DMs.

Enter the juice.

...