Van Halen Sucks

Your Favorite Band Sucks

Music

3.7 • 2.5K Ratings

🗓️ 2 December 2021

⏱️ 48 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

By pretty much any metric you want to choose, Van Halen was one of the worst bands of all time. This is the soundtrack to getting dumb, being dumb and staying dumb. Literally every fictional band from a movie about a band made better music than Van Halen. This is the musical equivalent of mixing every color of paint in the store together until you end up with brown instead of just buying brown paint.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	So the thing about van Halen is this has always been dumb music for dumb people, right?
0:20.8	Lowest common denominator shit.
0:23.2	Lowest thing, Matthew McConaughey and Dasting Confuses, the ultimate role model.
0:36.4	Bottom of the fucking barrel bullshit.
0:38.6	It's not even a controversial statement.
0:40.6	Like the entire point of this band is so obviously just to be dumb.
0:45.1	Yeah.
0:46.1	I always wonder if people in bands like this regret their decision to make dumb music
0:50.3	for dumb people because then your whole fan base is just people who are dumb as fuck.
0:55.4	You know who I see as being the ultimate van Halen song?
0:58.3	Is that one character from Revenge of the Nerds, the big Oofy guy that just like, oh,
1:03.5	I know that.
1:04.5	Big fuck.
1:05.5	Yeah, he's got like a crazy hair thing and like doesn't really speak English.
1:08.5	You're just kind of like otters words.
1:10.5	I mean, it's a fictional character, but obviously that guy's real in some way.
1:14.4	He's favorite band for sure is Van Halen for sure.
1:17.0	And he's just like, oh my god.
1:21.2	Drink more.
1:22.2	I'm out for the teacher.
1:24.0	The thing about Van Halen being dumb though is I don't believe the members of Van Halen
1:31.8	or at least the main creative forces of the band or that stupid.
	...

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