Welcome to the Buddhist Boot Camp Podcast. Our intention is to awaken, enrich, and inspire a simple and uncomplicated life.

Discover the benefits of mindful living with your host, Timber Hawkeye.

At a recent Buddhist boot camp event, one of the fathers in the audience mentioned

that his young kids need constant validation and

approval from him and from others but he wasn't sure where they had picked up

that behavior pattern. We discussed the parenting technique that we have all not

only been subjected to but still used to this day which is to

reward good behavior and punish the bad.

It seems logical enough except good and bad or subjective but I'm not aware of too many

alternatives.

As a result of this, from a very early age, we strive to have our parents affirm that we are in fact

good and we try to avoid being called bad or getting yelled at.

Now that I'm saying this it sounds very similar to

training a dog when you say you're a good boy or who's a good girl? We too seek

reward and praise so from a very early age we look to get that validation from others, and that's how we create the first narrative about who we are.

Those of us who weren't told we were good, but are a constant disappointment to the family and would never amount to anything,

often grow up believing exactly that until we change the narrative, usually after a few years of

much-needed therapy.

For parents, this sounds like a damned if you do and damned if you don't situation.

If you keep praising your child, they're going to grow up constantly seeking praise from everyone around them.

But if you point out all their flaws, they'll believe that's all they are.

There's probably a healthy balance of the two or perhaps an omission of both.

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