America, it's safe to come out of your homes.

Yes, we still face the pandemic.

We've been suffering through for almost a year now.

But the real plague on this country has been wiped away.

Chris Harrison, put to rest.

He's no longer a threat to us. This man,

if you're not aware, has been running around freely

answering questions whenever he's asked, giving his honest opinion

when he's asked a direct question. But no more.

The man who hands out roses

to a show watched by 438% white women has now been dealt with.

And I have to say, I'm proud to report that a jury of his peers led by Kelly Kieg's has decided not to execute

this man, but to show mercy. However, while his life will go on, he will be publicly waterboarded

until he confesses that he's used the N-word in his life. So we can all rest easy, knowing that this

madman has been stopped.

More on that story in a bit.

But first, I'd like to know from my producer Craig here.

We were texting before the show.

And I said, hey, Craig, I'm ready to start early if you are.

But no rush. You know, I didn't to start early if you are, but no rush.

You know, I didn't want you to think I was rushing you.

Yeah.

...