UTP Emails

Psychology In Seattle Podcast

Kirk Honda

Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.5 • 1.3K Ratings

🗓️ 5 November 2021

⏱️ 70 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Dr. Kirk answers all the upper-tier patron emails.

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Trigger Warning: This episode may include topics such as assault, trauma, and discrimination. If necessary, listeners are encouraged to refrain from listening and care for their safety and well-being.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	Hey, deserving listeners. It's just me today. I thought I would answer your emails. Anonymous
0:05.5	upper tier patron, she writes in and says, I've been working as an advocate for survivors of
0:12.0	domestic violence and sexual abuse for the past two months. Something that I've noticed is when
0:17.6	I verbalize my support or validate their experiences through statements like I believe you, my eyes,
0:24.0	my eyes start to tear up. I start to well up with tears. I don't have this reaction when I'm
0:30.4	listening though. Advocates are advised not to cry in front of our clients because it takes
0:36.0	to focus off of them. I worry that since emotional support is a fundamental part of my job,
0:42.5	I will unintentionally start crying in front of a client and irreparably harm the relationship.
0:50.0	Do you know why saying these types of things would trigger me to cry? Do you have any theories as
0:55.4	to why I tear up when verbally offering emotional support to others who are going through painful
1:01.0	experiences end of email? My answer to you, anonymous upper tier patron, is you're asking me,
1:08.6	you know, why am I crying in these situations when these clients are talking about domestic violence
1:15.2	and sexual abuse and I say things like, oh, I believe you, you're validating and you're like,
1:20.7	it's starting to cry, you're saying, why am I crying? You're crying because you're a human being
1:25.3	and you're healthy. That's why you're crying. Someone is telling you that they've been victimized
1:31.2	and you validate them and you empathize and you feel their pain. That's what empathy means. You
1:35.3	literally feel their pain. You understand that you might be the first person to have ever validated
1:42.5	them and you have a lot of feelings about that and you cry, which is 100% normal. I would say
1:48.8	people who don't have an urge to cry, there's something wrong with them. The other thing is is,
1:55.2	why are your supervisors telling you that you can't cry? There is no evidence that crying will
2:01.2	harm the relationship. There's no evidence that crying will automatically take the focus off of
2:05.4	the client. It's silly. It's patriarchal. It is awful. It is emotional shaming. What is wrong with
	...

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