Unresolvable Conflict

The Allender Center Podcast

The Allender Center

Psychology, Religion & Spirituality, Mental Health, Christianity, Trauma, Health & Fitness, Theology

4.6 • 628 Ratings

🗓️ 21 January 2023

⏱️ 45 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

According to the research of the Gottman Institute, nearly 70% of relationship conflicts are unresolvable - meaning, there is no clear right or wrong resolution. After recently celebrating their 46th wedding anniversary, Dan and Becky Allender come together to talk about conflict, particularly within the context of marriage. Throughout any relationship, conflict is inevitible - and it can look different in different seasons or settings.

You’ll hear Dan and Becky highlight two traps that are easy to fall into: conflict avoidance (don’t go there!) and indifferent compromise (just tell me what to do, and I’ll do it your way). You’ll also hear them talk through some of the keys of navigating moments of conflict: slowing down, naming the patterns, and caring for one another in the moment - even when there is no clear resolution.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Thank you for listening to the Allender Center podcast.
0:06.7	I'm Dr. Dan Allender.
0:08.7	And I'm Rachel Clinton-Centen.
0:10.5	We're fiercely committed to providing hope and healing to a fragmented world.
0:14.7	And restoration for the heart.
0:17.2	Thank you for joining us.
0:18.5	Let's get this conversation started.
0:29.1	Thank you for joining us. Let's get this conversation started. Well, I have the sweet honor to be with my beloved wife. Becky, thank you for joining this podcast.
0:36.8	So glad to be here. And I will say that this podcast
0:41.1	comes a short period after our anniversary. And do we, have we actually come to an agreement
0:49.2	on how many years? Because neither of us have done this well. We said for, I think, two or three years in a row
0:56.8	that we had been married for 45 years. We've kind of, we did this on a walk. We literally did it on
1:03.8	our fingers. So what anniversary are we at, my love? Forty-six. 46. So how has it been, what level of bliss have you known for 46 years?
1:16.9	How did you know that I was going to choose that word, bliss?
1:19.9	It's just been, yeah, real, honey.
1:23.3	Yes, it's been real bliss or just real bliss?
1:28.5	Both.
1:30.6	Indeed.
1:31.7	So what we're going to step into today is not a circumlocation of our 46 years,
1:41.1	but to say that in 46 years, we have had our good share of conflict. And what we want to
1:47.3	talk about today is the reality that the majority of conflicts that you are in, certainly in a
1:56.4	marriage, but I think it's important to include that even if the research has not verified this,
	...

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