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On Health

Unpacking the Invisible Load of Motherhood with Erica Djossa

On Health

Aviva Romm

Health & Fitness, Arts, Alternative Health, Medicine

4.81.4K Ratings

🗓️ 8 November 2023

⏱️ 61 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Like so many moms, Erica Djossa, a registered psychotherapist specializing in maternal mental health, entered motherhood assuming her “maternal instinct” would guide her through any challenges she faced. Yet, like so many mothers she'd counseled, she too, found herself struggling with identity loss, the mental load of motherhood, and the pressure to be perfect. Eventually, she had a breakdown that turned out to be a breakthrough – a moment where she realized that she was suffering from postpartum depression. When she sought help, she was dismissed by doctors who assured her that she just needed more rest. Frustrated, Erica pushed to be taken seriously, and finally got the care she needed. Through that experience, Erica realized that moms deserved more. Realizing how difficult it is to find mental health services, the now mother of 3 founded Happy as a Mother, which has evolved into Momwell, to provide mom-centered virtual therapy services and mental health literacy for moms at every stage of their motherhood journey. She has also taken to social media to make a difference. Her graphics have been shared by celebrities like Snoop Dogg, Ashley Graham, Nia Long, Hilaria Baldwin, Christy Turlington and Adrienne Bosh. Erica is passionate about maternal mental healthcare and putting moms back on the priority list. In this episode we dive deep into: Erica's own experience of postpartum and how this was a catalyst for the work she does to support mother's mental health How traditional gender roles can keep mothers - and couples - from thriving as we parent Understanding mom rage and resentment The importance of learning that as mothers, we can release Perfectionism and share the mother load Healing and preventing trauma and the power of honoring our children's resilience The potential risks of intensive parenting and Perfect Mother Syndrome on our mental health and couple's relationship How to identify your personal parenting and self-care values rather than internalizing those from our culture, community, friends, or family. Please share the love by sending this to someone in your life who could benefit from the kinds of things we talk about in this space. Make sure to follow me on Instagram @dr.avivaromm to join the conversation. You can follow Erica and Momwell on Instagram @momwell and visit momwell.com. Looking for supplements for yourself and your family, including some of those I talk about in episodes? You can find those - and your 15% discount on every order here: avivaromm.com/supplements Practitioners - you can also learn how to create your own accounts at https://us.fullscript.com/practitioner-signup/AVIVA

Transcript

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0:00.0

And I think this is what you're describing where we so badly want to parent from a way that we do no harm.

0:11.0

I'm going to do this sort of in air quotes, you you know like we don't want to traumatize our children.

0:14.4

We don't want to parent in the way our parents parented and so we go the extreme opposite

0:20.3

about and in intensive mothering there are some really key patterns of behavior we get

0:25.8

stuck in. This self-martyrdom putting our children's needs before our own,

0:30.5

centering and anchoring our whole life around our children and their schedule and even

0:36.8

like our financial decisions like putting out so much for their sports and their

0:40.7

activities and there's everything we possibly can give to them to like, you know, help them get ahead and give them a head start.

0:47.0

That's not to say that that is in any way like inherently negative, but when we do all of these things so intensely at a cost of

0:56.4

ourselves, at a cost of our marriages, at a cost of our own mental health, then it is

1:01.8

no longer functional or adaptive or healthy for us and so I would argue

1:08.0

that if we look towards like values-based parenting or look towards what is

1:12.1

internally important to us

1:14.0

versus what all this pressure feels like coming from externally from society

1:19.0

from the social groups in which we roll that have their own criteria and set of values, then we can find a little bit

1:26.1

more freedom and flexibility in how we want to show up as mothers.

1:37.0

From the stuff your mother never told you to the stuff your doctor never learned. On health is what happens when a midwife plus a Yale trained MD shares about all things women's health. From periods to

1:44.7

menopause, sex to reproductive health politics, motherhood to mental health.

1:49.0

Join me for taboo-busting conversations that demyestify and destigmatize our bodies, all while bridging the

1:55.8

gap between conventional medicine and wellness.

1:58.6

Along the way, we'll be exploring the science and wisdom of how our bodies work, what makes us well, what gets in the way,

2:05.6

and how we can live our best lives on our terms.

...

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