4.8 • 1.4K Ratings
🗓️ 8 November 2023
⏱️ 61 minutes
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0:00.0 | And I think this is what you're describing where we so badly want to parent from a way that we do no harm. |
0:11.0 | I'm going to do this sort of in air quotes, you you know like we don't want to traumatize our children. |
0:14.4 | We don't want to parent in the way our parents parented and so we go the extreme opposite |
0:20.3 | about and in intensive mothering there are some really key patterns of behavior we get |
0:25.8 | stuck in. This self-martyrdom putting our children's needs before our own, |
0:30.5 | centering and anchoring our whole life around our children and their schedule and even |
0:36.8 | like our financial decisions like putting out so much for their sports and their |
0:40.7 | activities and there's everything we possibly can give to them to like, you know, help them get ahead and give them a head start. |
0:47.0 | That's not to say that that is in any way like inherently negative, but when we do all of these things so intensely at a cost of |
0:56.4 | ourselves, at a cost of our marriages, at a cost of our own mental health, then it is |
1:01.8 | no longer functional or adaptive or healthy for us and so I would argue |
1:08.0 | that if we look towards like values-based parenting or look towards what is |
1:12.1 | internally important to us |
1:14.0 | versus what all this pressure feels like coming from externally from society |
1:19.0 | from the social groups in which we roll that have their own criteria and set of values, then we can find a little bit |
1:26.1 | more freedom and flexibility in how we want to show up as mothers. |
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