UNMASKING: The neurodivergent identity crisis hidden behind a lifetime of pretending

LATE BLOOMERS

Rich & Rox Pink

Self-improvement, Education

5.0 • 599 Ratings

🗓️ 19 November 2025

⏱️ 34 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this episode of LATE BLOOMERS, Rich and Rox finally talk about unmasking — pretending to be someone you’re not, pretending to be neurotypical, pretending you’re fine, and pretending you don’t have needs. Rich shares how his old mask looked like being the “life and soul of the party,” hyper-masculine and always social, while Rox talks about hiding chaos, messy flats, people-pleasing, fawning, and lying about things like lateness out of shame.

They explore why neurodivergent people mask — to fit in, avoid rejection, and feel acceptable — and the cost of it: exhaustion, anxiety, overwhelm, and relationships where the real you is never seen. Rich and Rox share personal moments of overstimulation, needing quiet rooms, crying, mouldy cups, chaotic homes, and acting through fear of being “caught out.”

They also talk about how unmasking takes time, feels awkward, and starts with small truths shared with the safest person. And even though it’s scary, they show why it leads to more connection, more honesty, and finally being known for who you really are.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	Today we are finally talking about unmasking the great neurodivergent identity crisis that nobody asked for.
0:09.1	When we were thinking about doing episodes, I actually can't believe we've not talked about masking before on late blooms.
0:14.6	But it's so important.
0:15.6	Yeah.
0:15.9	But we're doing it now.
0:17.0	Welcome to the late bloomer's podcast where we are... Getting our lives together, eventually.
0:23.7	So, I think it's good to start for anyone that doesn't know with what the hell is masking.
0:34.1	I think, yeah. I think let's do that quickly.
0:37.1	I don't reckon there'll be many people watching this
0:38.9	video that don't know what masking is. I reckon they've got some experience with it. I think if we
0:46.3	know our audience anyway. That is so true. So in a very simple way, masking is pretending, pretending to be something that you're not, maybe even
1:01.1	pretending to be neurotypical, pretending that you're not struggling, pretending that you're not
1:07.1	drowning in chaos, pretending that you don't have any needs. It's a kind of
1:12.2	the neurodivergent urge to just pretend that you're somebody else. So let's talk about, I suppose,
1:18.5	what our experience of masking, because I would imagine they're both quite different stories.
1:24.8	Should I start with mine? Yes. So I would say I'm very unmasked now,
1:31.1	but when you look back to what I used to be, so I used to be a professional bank manager,
1:39.4	the life and soul of the party, I would always want, always want to socialise, always, I think it was
1:45.8	very aligned to drinking, but like I was, even in a meeting situation, I would have been the
1:51.2	loudest, most talkative, most social, which is crazy. And also like, super, super masculine.
2:00.5	Like, I was, yeah, like, alpha. And also like super, super masculine.
2:05.4	Like I was, yeah, like alpha male.
	...

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