UNLEARNING NORMAL: 10 rules that punish ADHD & autistic brains
LATE BLOOMERS
Rich & Rox Pink
5.0 • 599 Ratings
🗓️ 4 February 2026
⏱️ 42 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
In this episode of LATE BLOOMERS, Rich and Rox talk about what it really means to unlearn normal after growing up ADHD and autistic in a world built around rules that were never designed for their brains.
They reflect on the expectations they were taught to follow — around discipline, behaviour, productivity, emotional control, and “trying harder” — and how those rules quietly shaped their sense of self.They break down the rules they internalised growing up: being told to sit still, cope quietly, make eye contact, push through discomfort, and behave “appropriately.” Rules that were framed as character-building, but instead led to masking, shame, burnout, and the belief that something was fundamentally wrong with them.
This episode is about recognising those rules for what they were, questioning whether they ever deserved authority in the first place, and beginning the process of letting them go. Not to become someone new — but to finally stop forcing themselves to be someone they were never meant to be.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | If you are ADHD or autistic, growing up in a neurotypical world has probably done a lot of damage. |
| 0:07.3 | In this episode, we are going to talk about how important it is to unlearn normal so that you can find your own way to do things. |
| 0:16.4 | Welcome to late bloomers where we are getting our lives together. |
| 0:21.0 | Eventually, brought to you by our amazing sponsor, Loop Earplugs. |
| 0:28.6 | You ready to talk about the damage that's been done? |
| 0:31.2 | Yeah. |
| 0:32.1 | Yeah, and like what, the normal social rules. |
| 0:35.9 | I love that the autistic one goes to the social rules. Yeah. But yeah. So I think it would be fun if we do 10. Yeah. You'll like this system. Yeah. I like it already, to be honest. We'll do 10. I'll do five. You'll do five. Yeah. But we'll do one each. So we're going to go ADHD, autism, ADHD, autism. |
| 0:56.7 | Just flicking between the neurotypes. That's it. I love it. Let's do it. Do you want to go first? |
| 1:03.0 | Yes. So we're going to talk about the 10 rules that have messed us all up the most and possibly |
| 1:10.5 | could be messing up our beautiful listeners. |
| 1:14.3 | Rule number one is that discipline is what gets things done. |
| 1:21.8 | Okay. |
| 1:23.0 | This is obviously an ADHD because you probably agree with it. You literally said it and I was like, well, yeah, ADHD. Yeah. Because you probably agree with it. |
| 1:28.1 | You literally said it and I was like, well, yeah, obviously. |
| 1:32.1 | Okay, so this isn't even a neurotypical view. |
| 1:35.1 | It's a non-ADHD rule. |
| 1:39.0 | And here is the problem with that discipline isn't an amazing motivator for people with ADHD. We were |
| 1:49.7 | often disciplined at school or at home and continued to make the same mistakes because those |
| 1:59.8 | mistakes are actually part of our wiring, our makeup. What encourages |
| 2:05.6 | people with ADHD, as we know, is interest, urgency, novelty. So it's someone looking at me |
| 2:17.4 | and saying she's undisciplined, |
... |
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