So I begin with a namaste about, and a real honoring, I am very aware that these first

24 hours of a retreat are quite interesting. I mean we've just plucked ourselves out of whatever our daily routines are.

And we get dropped into this situation where all our habitual doings are typical ways of making decisions and moving

through the day are kind of, it's all stripped away. It's interesting all our habitual roles.

Whether it's as boss or employee or parent or whatever it is, it's on the sidelines and our common escapes are removed.

I mean the ways that we soothe ourselves, even food. Even when we're on silence sitting with a circle of people,

we can't use our typical escapes. And then in these group norms, we can't comfort ourselves with the ways we're used to connecting.

So as much as there's this cherishing of silence and many of us have it, some of the reassurance is that come from looking in someone's eyes or getting a friendly smile, it's not there.

So we can get this sense of not friendly, even when that's not actually the intention at first.

I feel like our identity gets messed with when we get dropped into this situation. And then ultimately in a great way, I mean things have to kind of break apart for something more truthful to emerge, right?

But it's not easy, it's not easy. So just at the same time that things are taken away or habitual props in some ways,

we're shining this light on what's going on. So that makes for even more interest. We start seeing the ways that our psyche operates.

And one of the main things that we see is how much we move through time evaluating what's going on.

Ooh, I like this feeling of the sunshine. Ooh, I don't like the feeling of my lower back.

Ah, chance to take a nap. Oh, this food doesn't taste what, you know, it just goes on and on and on this evaluation.

And I bring this up because underneath that we're evaluating how am I doing?

I mean, that's really a very big part of our psyche. This is monitoring of how I'm doing. And often, and I call this the trans that we're in, some part of us is possessed by a sense of,

I'm not getting what I wanted or I'm not doing it the way I need to be doing it. I'm not meditating well enough. I'm not moving through this the way I, according to my standard.

Okay. Now, I don't bring this up because I, because I sense that everybody's always doing that.

But I know it's a, it's one of the root forms of suffering, this sense of wanting it different.

Now is not okay. And underneath now is not okay. Embedded in it is the self that's experiencing now is not okay.

So, what I'd like to explore tonight, I kind of think of it as radical acceptance revisited. It's, it's been about 10 years plus.

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