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So I remember it was a Shabbat morning, you don't use electricity, and I went upstairs, and I said,

if I don't believe it, I can just turn the light on. So I stood in front of the light switch

for what felt like in eternity, and I couldn't bring myself to turn it on. And she said, well, you know, when you have curly hair and you use product, it can look wet. And when boys see you with wet looking here, it makes them think of you in the shower. What? And I was like super naive. so when she said boys think of think of you in the shower, it was the first time that that concept even occurred to me. The only men that are going to be there are rabbis. Does that mean they're thinking of me naked? And she just sat and looked to me for like, probably 30 seconds, but felt like 10 minutes. And she went, if you don't do anything about it, you won't be able to come. I answered wearing it in a ponytail. Getting a shit off it's called, getting a match is something that you start talking about as early as middle school, who your family is, what you do. If there's mental illness in the family, everything revolves around making sure you get a good match. And you're taught very from the beginning that you're there for him. If you feel like you're not going to be up to it, you should nap. That's more importance that you can be there for your husband. Of course you can say no. In theory, rabbis control birth control. You have to plead your case and say, this is why I think I can't handle another child. And then they say yes or no. The bleeding happens after birth, and for the

entirety of the time that you're bleeding, you can't hug your husband. Like, you're not swimming in the same bed. He can't pass you the baby. He can't watch you nursing because you're uncovered. My friend said to me, I said, oh my God, if I get divorced, I never have to go to the mikva again. I never have to do this family purity stuff ever again.

And she looked me in the eye and she said, you still never have to.

And I said, no, mickfug and I never have to do this family purity stuff ever again and she looked me in the eye

and she said you still never have to and I said no but like I do she goes you're allowed to do

whatever you want and like oh mine is the only voice what have I I been doing? Lay down my autonomy.

After that, it got very dark very quickly.

Hey guys, my name is Shalise Anzola, and this is Colts to Consciousnessness or we discuss leaving high demand religions or organizations

and finding healing and independence through awareness and true individual sovereignty.

If you're only joining us on those podcast platforms and you'd prefer to see our faces and join in on

the conversation, you can go to YouTube at Cults to Consciousness.

It truly is the best way to support the show.

Any way that you interact with the post boost, the algorithm helps

more people see these stories and become aware of these groups and also become aware of red flags

that you may be missing in your day-to-day life. So today's Survivor, she was a referral to us

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