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From New York City, the only city in America.

It's the show that invented news.

This is the Daily Show with your host, Michelle Wall. Oh, Welcome, welcome. Welcome to the Daily Show. I'm Michelle Wolf. You know, yes, despite the advice of my friends in Comedy Central Standards Department,

I am back for another night.

And touchy, touchy.

We've got a great show for you tonight.

So let's get into those headlines.

We're going to kick things off tonight with the white BET Fox News.

Every once in a while I'll check in with Fox News just to see which race slash pronoun slash

M&M I should be scared of now. Let me guess the brown one. I was surprised to

find something different from Jesse Waters, Fox News Anchor, and the last face you

see before blacking out at Sigma Kappa.

Buckle up guys, those are going to get worse okay. So look I turned on the news I

thought he was going to be talking about what's going on in the world and all he

was doing was meandering through the world's most boring

Thanksgiving and like not for a little bit of time he talked about it for like half of

his show so I made a to-do list best to do list of my life. I'm actually mad because I crossed everything off on it on my phone and now I can't see how much I accomplished. I should have had a hard copy and I should have organized a list geographically based on where I was

going instead of just haphazardly because I bit off more than I could chew. I wake up, drank 60 ounces of water, drank my green juice, pot of coffee, hopped in the car with my list in my hand.

But I couldn't even make it to the second errand without having to go to the back.

After going to the...

Stop it! Stop! What is this story?

...