I'm Christopher Titus. And this is the Armaged Update. College. Don't know much about it. I got an

F on my college application. You all right? The first person of my family to pretend to go to college.

Look, I know that beer pong is a thing and that if you're smart enough to get into a really

great school, you'll be in debt pretty much until your first required prostate exam.

I, on the other hand, didn't go to college, so I have no college debt.

Instead, I was even dumber and got divorced.

Way more expensive.

Why to get mixed up with that bitch?

Because she got a great ass. And you got your head all the way up it.

College is a good thing if you find something you love.

And if you go to an elite school, you will learn the secret handshake.

Give me some.

And how to sail.

And then you'll join the Illuminati,

and then you can be in the meetings with the aliens

to stop the comet that will destroy us all.

I'm looking at you, Harvard.

The best of the best.

Well, Harvard University was sent a letter by this man who in a million

years couldn't get into Harvard University. I mean, he would have been stopped at the gate,

stripsters, and sent to a community college in Springfield to interview for a job as the janitor.

So, due to the fact that Harvard is the learning center of our country

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