I believe I can fly. I believe I can touch the sky. I think this was a dream I had last night, but then I went to court and they gave me a guilty sat in some of my careers over because I'm only attracted to high school chicks.

Alia, I'm coming to you, baby. See, the only thing about R. Kelly is he probably wants to die because when you die at that age, you stay the same age.

So when he sees Alia again in heaven, she'll still be 17. This is long days. What else is going on? South Korea is thinking about banning eating dogs.

So if you've been to South Korea because you do business with Samsung through some affiliate in America and you ordered the spaghetti bolognese, I am sorry, you ate dog.

What else is going on? The ACLU wants to apologize for changing RGB's quote to gender neutral.

She didn't say that. She said her. She said she in the quote, fucking bad. Ban her knock down a statue of her. If there was a statue of RBG, you'd knock her down, but you'd also get arrested for elder abuse because she's been a hundred for a long time, longer than Morgan Freeman.

What else is going on? General Miley is defending his call warning the Chinese that there will be no attack from America under the Trump administration and Republicans are pissed. We're getting into that.

Is he treasonous or did he save us from a war with China? Tune in to find out. Also, there was 39 miners who were stuck in a mine in Ontario, Canada.

But nobody cares because we've seen that movie before. Homicides are up 30% in America. So fucking dumbass.

Listen, we just don't care about anything happening in Ontario, Canada.

We don't care what the Raptors are doing. We don't care what Justin Trudeau is doing. They always try to make the news and we just say, can you guys please just send us a few of your good comics and shut the fuck up.

Just give us Jim Carrey, give us Martin Short, give us Shania Twain, and that's about it. Maybe a little Steve Nash will take. Otherwise, we need you guys to zip it.

You live up top and we want you to be quiet. That's all. You had 39 miners who were caught in a mine and it didn't make the news until they were rescued from the mine, which I think is pretty funny.

I was even contemplating on putting the story on the show because who cares about miners caught anywhere that aren't in Chile.

That's how boring Canada is. If you want to know the forecast for Canada, it's boring with a chance of rain.

They were caught there. The Chilean miners were probably doing cool stuff in the mine. They were probably creating their own salsa music with their mouths and dancing with each other.

It's a very sexualized culture. Latin culture is very sexualized. So one of them probably put on a wig and it was like, how you doing? I'm going to be, we've been down here for 30 days.

So I'm going to be the female and let's dance. And then they probably had sex with each other, role played, created their own salsa music with their mouths. They probably started figuring out ways to cook bugs and figured out a way to make Chipotle sauce.

They did a lot of fun stuff. They made a colorful and fun. Canadians probably sat there and just stared at each other and went A.

And then at one point, they had an argument over like a couple of bugs that they were going to eat and one of them went, you want a fucking gold bud? You want a fucking gold?

I'll fucking drop the mits right now and gold bud. So that story's over. They're rescued. They went back to their families, whatever. Nobody gives a shit about miners in Canada.

I got a snooze in and I'm activated today. And as you'll see, the snooze will move around my mouth. And as I have watched these videos back, I scratch my nose a lot because my nose itches a lot. And it's itching right now and I'm going to try now too. And I also moved the snooze around a lot.

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