4.9 • 1.8K Ratings
🗓️ 15 October 2025
⏱️ 54 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Ever wonder what happens when the host of a trauma podcast finds herself right back in the trenches?
A story about what happens when healing collides with old survival patterns — and how the body can pull you back into the past, even when your mind knows better. This isn’t a “how-to.” It’s truth-telling about the gap between understanding your trauma and actually feeling safe inside your own skin.
✨ What this episode explores:
Childhood relational trauma wires us for trauma bonds — When love and pain come from the same person, the nervous system fuses attachment with fear. As adults, we mistake that familiarity for connection and call it love.
Healing from the neck up leaves the body stuck in the past — Insight can’t rewire survival responses. You can name every pattern and still have a body that flinches, freezes, or fawns like the child who first learned danger was love.
Regression isn’t failure; it’s unfinished business surfacing — When old patterns return, it doesn’t mean you’ve backslid. It means your system finally feels safe enough to process what once overwhelmed you. The “relapse” is readiness in disguise.
Trauma bonds aren’t about the other person, they’re about your body seeking familiarity — You don’t stay because you want pain; you stay because your nervous system confuses chaos and inconsistency with connection. It feels like home because it once was.
Managing someone else’s dysfunction can become a lifelong neural pathway — If you grew up regulating a parent, control equals safety. As an adult, your brain lights up when chaos appears — the same highway it’s been driving your whole life.
Grief is often the missing layer in recovery — You can understand and accept the past intellectually yet still carry what you never grieved. Healing deepens when the body finally mourns what it lost — safety, innocence, possibility.
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Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.8 | Sometimes healing looks like reliving the pain. |
| 0:03.7 | Not because you've failed, but because your body's ready to finish the story. |
| 0:07.8 | My name is Andrea and this is an old child. |
| 0:22.0 | What's holding you slow now |
| 0:24.7 | I'm a total child |
| 0:26.4 | Where we took a deep dive into the impact of growing up in a dysfunctional family |
| 0:33.4 | Ahoy my dear shit shows |
| 0:36.3 | For any new listeners, my name is Andrea. |
| 0:38.8 | I am a total and complete shit show. |
| 0:40.7 | I'm an adult child of an alcoholic and dysfunctional family. |
| 0:43.5 | And I am back after taking an 11-month break, ready to dive deeper than ever. |
| 0:50.4 | And today, I am going to be sharing a story that I have yet to share publicly, a story about |
| 0:57.1 | how healing isn't linear, a story about how sometimes you can do years and years of work |
| 1:03.0 | and still find yourself right back in the mess, a story about how trauma can hijack you |
| 1:07.9 | even when you know better. And I do just want to say, I am still sober, okay? |
| 1:13.3 | I'm still sober. I celebrated 17 years of sobriety last month. So that's not the big reveal here. |
| 1:20.1 | I also need to say that I am feeling more vulnerable right now than I have ever felt doing this podcast. There is a part of me |
| 1:30.2 | that is afraid of judgment. There is a part of me that is afraid of what you'll think. And I just need to say |
| 1:35.2 | that out loud. There is also, though, a part of me that feels an incredible sense of freedom |
| 1:40.8 | in finally speaking this out loud. So I'm sharing this because it's the truth. |
| 1:46.1 | It's my truth. And because I truly believe that speaking the truth out loud is how we break through |
| 1:53.6 | and heal shame. So let's break through and heal some shame, shall we? But before we get there, we do need to make sure that we are all |
... |
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