Tranquillusionist: Person In Scene
The Allusionist
Helen Zaltzman
4.7 • 3.8K Ratings
🗓️ 26 February 2024
⏱️ 64 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
This is the Tranquillusionist, in which I, Helen Zaltzman, soothe your brain by saying a load of words that don’t really mean very much, to give you an emotional break by temporarily supplanting your interior monologue with something you can benignly ignore. Note: this is NOT a normal episode of the Allusionist, where you might learn something about language and your brain might be energised. The Tranquillusionist's purpose is to rest your brain and for you to learn nothing.
If you like it, there's a collection of tranquillusionists at theallusionist.org/tranquillusionist, on themes including champion dogs, Australia's big things, gay animals and more. Today: a list of the characters who don't have names in film credits. Find out more, and read the transcript, at theallusionist.org/person-in-scene.
Content note: this episode contains some terminology from the original film credits that I do not endorse, plus one Category B swear and four Category A swears (which I endorse just fine).
Enormous thanks to Jez Burrows for letting me use some 2,700 of these that he had collected for his book And Introducing. Find it and his other work - including his book Dictionary Stories, short stories composed of the example sentences from dictionaries - at jezburrows.com.
The music is by Martin Austwick. Hear his songs at palebirdmusic.com, and his podcasts Neutrino Watch and Song By Song in the usual podplaces.
Help keep this independent podcast alive by becoming a member of the Allusioverse at theallusionist.org/donate; your additional perks include regular livestreams with readings from my dictionaries, inside scoop of the making of every episode, and watchalong parties (lately, weekly gatherings to watch Great Pottery Throwdown) - AND to hang out with your fellow Allusionauts in our delightful Discord community, where I am posting all my best/worst portmanteaus and portmantNOs.
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Transcript
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| 0:15.2 | This is the Tranquilityist in which I, Helen Zoltzmann, soothe your brain by saying a load of words that don't really mean very much to give you an emotional break by temporarily supplanting your interior monologue with something that you can benignly ignore. |
| 0:19.7 | This isn't like the usual episodes of the illusionist. There'll be no learning, no journey, you don't have to feel or think anything. |
| 0:28.0 | And you'll find previous editions of the Trunclusionist at the Illusionist. Ousionist. |
| 0:34.0 | They featured champion dogs, gay animals, punchlines with no setups and more. |
| 0:39.0 | Today's theme was requested by Lachlan, so long ago that Lachlan will perhaps have forgotten, |
| 0:45.4 | but at some point in the past they wanted a tranquilusionist featuring the characters from films that don't have names, |
| 0:51.4 | so in the credits they're listed as things like |
| 0:53.4 | Man in Shop Lady with Pram angry customer number two etc. Well you remember |
| 0:59.2 | alumnus Jez Burrows who appeared on the Ulupo episode of the show, talking about his book Dictionary Stories, |
| 1:04.6 | which was short stories all composed from the example sentences from dictionaries. |
| 1:08.8 | After making that book, Jez spent years collecting thousands of this kind of film credit and turned them into a book called And Introducing. |
| 1:18.0 | And he's very kindly let me read to you from his book today with music from Martin Orstwick. Content note some of the words used in the |
| 1:26.7 | credits are not descriptors I would choose. Also there are some swears there's one category B swear and four category A swears. |
| 1:37.4 | On with the Tranquolutionist. |
| 1:51.8 | A Spaniard, above it all journalist, abused stewardess, abused woman, accomplice, Acid Kidd, Acrobat Thug One, |
| 1:55.0 | Actor playing man with nosebleed. |
| 1:58.0 | Additional ducks, additional football player, additional night, |
| 2:02.0 | additional posse girl, additional shape, adjacent mechanic, adorable |
| 2:07.4 | old man, Advocate Bob, Afghan Ambassador, Afghan Bureaucrat, Afghan Traffic Officer, Afghan Warlord, |
| 2:17.8 | African Barber, African Host, African Musician, African Native, African Nurse, African native, African nurse, African storyteller, African warrior, |
| 2:27.5 | airline customer, airport bystander, airport Hysterical Wife, Albanian Number Six, |
| 2:36.9 | Albanian Hostage, alcoholic customer, alien autopsy guy, Alien Fan, Alien Father, |
... |
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