Trade Criticism for Compassion
Zen Pop
Todd and Cathy Adams
4.9 • 637 Ratings
🗓️ 23 June 2015
⏱️ 49 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Cathy and Todd discuss why self criticism and fear decrease our ability to create meaningful change, and why self compassion is essential for goal setting. They also discuss the “neurotic roommate” inside our head, why balance may not exist, and the big mistake at the end of The Karate Kid.
The following also discuss listener’s questions:
Question #1- I’d love some advice on how the two of you handle situations when you think the other person is doing it WRONG. Whether it’s with each other, your kids, your siblings, etc. As the big sister, I realize I can be an insufferable know it all at times, and as the partner with all the years of therapy and self help under my belt, I often think I have a great idea or suggestion for my partner. My brilliant insights (aka unsolicited advice) are not always received with the enthusiasm I had hoped for. I am working on letting go, and I made myself a bracelet with the words “necessary-useful-kind” to give me some guideposts before I talk. How do the two of you navigate this? The more I learn, the more excited I get, and the more I want to tell everyone how do life better. I’m afraid I’m becoming sort of obnoxious. I listened to your show on not pushing self help on your partner and that created a huge shift in me and I have (to the best of my awareness) stopped doing that. Our relationship has improved dramatically. I am realizing that this is an area where I still need support in the rest of my life. Thank you for any insight you can offer!
Question #2- A dear friend of mine struggles with his 18-year-old daughter, who believes that her father was not as involved in her childhood as he should have been (not supportive enough, not interested in her interests, etc). He feels he was a good parent, so it’s very hurtful to hear this from his daughter, and it is a constant source of strain in their relationship. What do you do when a child believes you were selfish and didn’t put their needs first, and you don’t see things the same way? I worry about this from my own children so I’m interested to hear what advice you might offer!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W45DRy7M1no
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oomCIXGzsR0
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | do do do do all right here we go my name's todd adams this is kathy adams welcome back to another |
| 0:08.0 | episode of zen parenting radio this is episode number 243 and what is zen parenting radio it's a |
| 0:17.0 | discussion between a spiritual and emotional mom and a logical and practical dad. We have three daughters, ages 7, 10, and 12. |
| 0:23.9 | And on the show, we discuss transformational wisdom, everyday challenges, and pop culture to encourage laughter, self-awareness, and empathy. |
| 0:32.5 | And our goal is to give you the resources to become a better parent, but more importantly, to become a better you. |
| 0:36.9 | And always remember our motto, which is that the best predictor of a child's will-being is a parent's |
| 0:42.5 | self-understanding. |
| 0:44.2 | So on the show, we are going to discuss an excerpt from a author named Kelly McGonagall. |
| 0:52.3 | Actually, no. |
| 0:53.0 | I think we're going to talk about fear, and this is how we're going to correlate |
| 0:56.3 | it, right? |
| 0:56.7 | We are going to talk about fear. |
| 0:57.5 | What we had discussed was that you and I have a practice. |
| 1:04.5 | I think it's not just you and I. |
| 1:05.8 | I think the majority of people have a practice of being self-critical and then believing that that is what influences |
| 1:13.3 | their change of behavior. |
| 1:14.6 | Yeah. |
| 1:15.2 | And it's a habitual pattern that we probably learned when we were little. |
| 1:20.2 | And as we grow up, we tell stories around it, meaning that we continue to be self-critical |
| 1:25.3 | and we say to people, well, that's the only way that |
| 1:28.9 | I'll ever make change. |
| 1:29.9 | Right. |
... |
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