My guest for this episode is the brilliant Julie Lythcott-Haims., the author of the New York Times’ bestselling, and in my opinion, majorly game-changing-in-the-parenting-space book, How to Raise an Adult. She wrote it after noticing that prospective college students at Stanford University, where she was dean of admissions, were being over-parented and as a result, were lacking the resources to develop the resilience, resourcefulness, and inner determination necessary for success. In this episode, Julie and I talk about what it takes for a child to be successful—looking at how we define success along the way—and explore what we as parents can do to help our child develop the agency they need to become self-actualized adults. I loved having this conversation with Julie and am still noodling on the many takeaways and aha moments I experienced. I hope you get a lot out of it.  Julie Lythcott-Haims' How to Raise an Adult has been published in over two dozen countries and gave rise to a TED talk that became one of the top TED Talks of 2016 with over 3.5 million views and counting, as well as a forthcoming sequel on how to be an adult, for young adults. Two years later Julie published Real American: A Memoir, a critically-acclaimed and award-winning memoir which examines racism through her experience as a Black and biracial person.  Things you’ll learn from this episode What is at the root of fear-based parenting Why Julie says most parents are raising kids from a place of love, ego, and fear Challenges and hardships every child should face in order to be ready to be an adult How we do our children a disservice when we “become” their default executive functioning How we can (and need to) redefine what success looks like The connection between successful adults and a child doing chores (and how to get started if you’re not doing it now) Why happiness in our kids stems from love The benefits of hands-on work for kids developing a sense of agency How to help our kids bolster their self-advocacy skills   Resources mentioned for helping differently wired teens launch Julie Lythcott Haims’ website How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success  Real American: A Memoir  Julie’s TED Talk: How to Raise Successful Kids Julie’s TEDxGunnHighSchool Talk: Throw Out the Checklisted Childhood Julie’s TEDxStanford Talk: Be Your Authentic Self How to Be An Adult  Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices