Toxic Relationships: Why We Stay and How to Leave

Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

Being Well

Health & Fitness, Education, Self-improvement, Mental Health

4.8 • 2.4K Ratings

🗓️ 1 December 2025

⏱️ 83 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Dr. Rick and Forrest explore toxic relationships, focusing on how to identify and exit them. Rick talks about how positive traits like empathy, loyalty, and a sense of duty can keep us stuck. They then discuss common relationship red flags like lovebombing, cycles of idealization and devaluation, power imbalances, and what Forrest calls “the fuzz.” Finally, they talk about how people can increase their chances of a healthy exit. Other topics include developing self-trust, trauma-bonding, shame, and avoiding the cycle of “maybe next time they’ll…” Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 3:05: Why do good people stay in bad relationships? 10:02: Relationship red flags: the dark triad, devaluation, lovebombing, and the fuzz 24:17: How this shows up in Dr. Rick’s practice 39:48: How to get out: building self-trust, increasing your options, and duty to yourself 1:12:33: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Listen to Turning Points: Navigating Mental Health wherever you get your podcasts. Follow the show so you never miss an episode. Level up your bedding with Quince. Go to Quince.com/BEINGWELL for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns. If you are exploring whether you might be neurodivergent, check out Hyperfocus with Rae Jacobson. Skylight is offering our listeners $20 off their 10 inch Skylight Frame by going to myskylight.com/BEINGWELL. Go to Zocdoc.com/BEING to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hello and welcome to being well. I'm Forrest Hansen. If you're new to the show,
0:10.6	thanks for joining us today. And if you've listened to before, welcome back. Today we're talking
0:15.2	about one of the most difficult things a person can do, leaving somebody who isn't good for you.
0:22.8	Most of us have had at least one relationship, whether it was romantic, a friendship, professional, or even inside of our families,
0:28.5	that we knew just wasn't good for us. We might have seen the red flags, even made a plan to
0:34.0	step back, but then we kept finding ourselves pulled back in. These kinds of relationships
0:39.8	are often incredibly confusing for people. There can be a kind of jekyll and hide quality to them.
0:47.1	The other person might seem wonderful one day and cruel the next. They might explain away the
0:53.4	worst moments of your relationship so convincingly that you start to doubt your own
0:57.4	ability to tell what's actually going on. And even when you know that something's off, the idea of leaving can activate a lot of fear.
1:06.3	In this episode, we're going to be talking about why that happens. Why smart, capable, kind, thoughtful,
1:12.0	psychoeducated people get stuck in these relationships and what you can do about it. This is going
1:17.7	to include topics like trauma bonding, common cycles like idealization and devaluation, and traits
1:23.9	to look out for, including what are sometimes known as dark triad traits.
1:31.7	To help me do that, I'm joined today by clinical psychologist Rick Hansen.
1:33.1	So, Dad, how are you doing today?
1:35.8	I'm good, and I'm really looking forward to this topic.
1:41.2	It's a delicate one, and there's a lot of suffering in it, and even guilt, I guess.
1:45.4	And we feel bad about leaving them, especially if they're clingy.
1:50.8	I'm glad that we haven't left them sometimes for people. Yeah, absolutely. No, this one cuts a lot of different ways for sure. So I'm also really looking forward to this one. Before we get into it,
1:54.9	I do want to give people a quick reminder about Rick's Foundations of Well-Being Program. It's
1:59.5	Rick's flagship year-long online course.
	...

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