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Fierce Marriage

Tools for Transparency: Finding Freedom, Joy, and Holiness Through Being Honest

Fierce Marriage

Ryan and Selena Frederick

Christianity, Religion & Spirituality

4.94.3K Ratings

🗓️ 16 January 2018

⏱️ 40 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Why be transparency about something difficult when it's so much easier to just hide it? Quick answer: freedom. Nothing compares to the freedom of total honesty in a marriage relationship. Being totally honest can be scary. What if your husband/wife doesn't love you once they see who you really are? While the proposition of rejection is scary, as those rooted in Christ, we have hope in our identity and acceptance because of what he has done. Then we can trust that if we confess our sins, God is faithful to heal us. Consider the following verses: There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 1 John 4:18 Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. James 5:16 Show notes: * Transparency and trust go both ways. Your covenant creates a boundary * Being each other's accountability partners: "Ask me anything and I will never lie." * This kind of transparency is only possible in light of covenant. Covenant is huge for transparency. Covenant is the arena where the sanctifying effects of love have room to operate. * "The Phone Drop Test": At any moment, you should both be able to see all phone activity. It's not about being nosy, it's about having nothing to hide. * Be hyper-vigilant about opposite-sex relationships. For example, no texting one-on-one; always include your spouse or the spouse of the person you're texting. * Have a pre-established limit for spending that you won't exceed without discussing it. * Don't forget the underlying reasons for transparency: sanctification, freedom, trust, and joy. * Transparency is like taking your temperature: if you're running a fever (you're hiding something), there's something wrong with your health. How can I start the process of being honest? * Phones down, no distractions. * Ask for focused conversation time. Couple's Challenge: Have a transparency audit. Do you have a transparent marriage? Think about anything that you're hiding either unintentionally or on purpose. Do you know how to keep each other accountable? Talk about how to maintain accountability in hot areas (online, phones, finances, etc). Announcement! Download our FREE eBook, 5 Habits of a Healthy Marriage! Just go to https://5habits.us (https://5habits.us) Questions? Just go to https://fiercemarriage.com/ask. Anything goes! Don't forget! Please subscribe, rate, and review. It means a ton to us and helps other (future) listeners know what they're getting into! :) Stay fierce!

Transcript

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0:00.0

Right, so we have this underlying understanding and this is huge and probably goes without saying but I'm going to say it anyway.

0:06.0

Your marriage is a covenant that neither of you are going to leave. Right, it should be.

0:11.0

And so if you're afraid that if you say something that your husband or your wife is going to leave you, right, then there's something covenantally that you're not understanding. Right.

0:19.0

Because that's not how covenant works. Right.

0:21.0

Welcome to the fierce marriage podcast where we believe that marriage takes a fierce tenacity that never gives up and refuses to give in.

0:27.0

Here we'll share openly and honestly about all things marriage. Sex. Communication.

0:31.0

Finances. Priorities. Purpose. And everything in between.

0:35.0

Laugh, ponder and join in on candid gospel centered conversations.

0:43.0

This is fierce marriage.

0:50.0

Hi there, welcome to the fierce marriage podcast. Hey everyone. Ryan and Selena here.

0:54.0

Great, so good to have you. Thank you for joining us.

0:56.0

Excited to be talking about transparency today on our episode.

1:00.0

The tools specifically the tools for transparency.

1:03.0

This has been a topic for us that has been a real game changer in just I think in a lot of ways in our own righteousness.

1:11.0

I think in just how God has been refining and sanctifying us and making honesty a big part of our lives.

1:18.0

Yeah. An intentional part of our a lot. It's not like we were living in a lie. Yeah.

1:22.0

But being intentionally honest as a means toward a sanctification.

1:26.0

And it's also brought us closer together. It's really helped us to not.

1:31.0

I don't know to not betray each other's trust or anything like that.

1:35.0

So yeah, we're very this topic is important to us and we hope it's also helpful to you.

1:41.0

Right. So yeah, so we but real quick I think I want to make sure everybody knows we have these two new groups that we created.

1:47.0

Fierce husbands and fierce wives and they're they're designed to be kind of a more close knit community online.

...

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