To Be Heard Is To Be Healed - Connecting the 4 Pillars of Communication

The Virtual Couch

Tony Overbay LMFT

Education, Mental Health, Health & Fitness, Self-improvement

5 • 643 Ratings

🗓️ 5 October 2021

⏱️ 37 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Tony describes in detail how his "4 Pillars of a Connected Conversation" works, including how to apply the 4 Pillars in any conversation where you feel stuck, unheard, unseen, or unloved. The 4 Pillars are: 1) Assuming good intentions, 2) Don't send the message of "you're wrong" or "I don't believe you," EVEN IF you think the other person is wrong, or you don't believe them, 3) Ask questions BEFORE making comments, and 4) Stay present, lean in, do all that you can to stay out of "victim mode." These 4 Pillars, along with the paradigm shift that the goal of a conversation is to be heard, not to resolve, will lead to more connected conversations. -Visit http://tonyoverbay.com/magnetic (http://tonyoverbay.com/magnetic) to learn more about Tony’s Magnetic Marriage program, or visit http://tonyoverbay.com (http://tonyoverbay.com) to take Tony’s free parenting course, or to learn more about his best-selling book; or only recovery program “The Path Back.” And please subscribe to “Waking Up to Narcissism,” Tony’s brand new podcast, which is part of The Virtual Couch podcast network.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hey, everybody, welcome to this episode of the virtual couch, and that is my very smooth way of
0:06.6	saying, I forgot what number episode this is, but I think we're somewhere between 285 and
0:10.5	290, but I am glad you're here.
0:12.7	I'm your host, Tony Overbay.
0:13.7	I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist, a certified mindful, have a coach, and a writer,
0:16.8	and a speaker, and a husband and a father of four for and all those things that I've gotten away from saying at the beginning of every episode because I just want to get to the content.
0:24.2	I can't lie, even to the point where this will seem like a setup, but I have completely spaced talking about my sponsor, BetterHelp for well over a month now.
0:32.1	So if you are looking for help online therapy, then go to BetterHelp.com slash virtual couch and you'll get 10%
0:38.2	off your first month's services. BetterHelp.com has an incredible assessment feature.
0:43.6	You can be up and running with somebody within 24 to 48 hours and do it through email or online
0:48.6	or all those wonderful things. So try betterhelp.com slash virtual couch and there. I've meant to do that
0:53.8	for so many times.
0:55.0	But let's get to the material.
0:58.0	I have so many things that I just think about when I'm just out and about.
1:02.0	And over the weekend, I went on a quick road trip with my wife.
1:04.0	We drove back to Utah just for a couple of days.
1:07.0	We love doing a road trip together.
1:09.0	We love listening to audio books and podcasts and
1:11.1	solving all the world's problem. My wife would kill me if I ever told the content of this,
1:14.9	but we have this running joke that one of these days I need to do a podcast, and it is Tony and
1:19.6	Wendy just show their ignorance about a variety of things. And if you just put the recorder on
1:26.1	us while we're talking about a lot of things,
	...

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